Why Choosing New Glasses is Hard When You’re a People-Pleaser (Like Me)

February 26, 20142 Comments

She tells me, “Those look cute on you.”

I wrinkle up my nose and squint my eyes at the mirror.

She’s the sweetest, kindest lady ever, handing me pairs of glasses at the eye doctor’s office.

But I’m a pushover. One slight hint of someone else’s opinion and I tend to fold up like a pup-tent in a windstorm.

I explain to her that I really like my glasses, the ones I’ve worn for 4-1/2 years that are now cracked, scratched, bent, and about to disintegrate in the palm of my hand. Can’t I just have something pretty much the same?

She says, ‘They are kind of small’ and points to a few pairs she likes on the shelf.

The pair she hands me aren’t really ‘me.’ They are cool and trendy, big dark frames in that funky retro style that looks great on everyone, but just don’t suit me or who I am.

In that moment, though, I question myself.

She says they look cute. She says she likes them.

So maybe she’s right? Maybe all those things I think and feel about myself are wrong? Maybe I just need to try something different….get wild and crazy for a second. Maybe I should be more stylish? Maybe I could grow to like them?

I feel slightly trapped.

Thankfully, I’m rescued from my decision-making paralysis by a friend who works at the office. She shakes her head, ‘no’ and I feel truly, truly saved as I slip those frames right back onto the display shelf.

I needed someone to back me up. Given just one more nudge by the sweet and gentle lady trying to help me pick out glasses, I’d have walked right out of there having purchased frames I hated.

And I would have worn them for years.

And I would have hated them every time I put them on my face.

And I would have hated myself for buying them in the first place, for just taking someone else’s opinion as truth without weighing it against the truth I know about myself.

That’s me. People-pleasing me. Indecisive me. Swayed by the slightest push from others and then growing all resentful at the pressure.

The trouble is that this is an opinion-sharing world. Random people in Wal-Mart like to comment on the groceries you buy and the amount of kids you have crowded around your shopping cart.

God does use people to speak truth to us at times. They can be a confirmation sent by the Holy Spirit or a loving word of encouragement or challenge just when we need it.

Sometimes, though, they are just people—friends, loved ones, random shoppers with opinions.

In Scripture, Job endured and ignored the counsel of his friends and his overwhelmed wife’s advice to “curse God and die” (Job 2:9 NIV).

For all their professed spirituality and theological ‘expertise,’ Job’s friends were wrong.

His wife was wrong.

But me, if I had sat there in the sackloth and ashes, would I have discerned the truth? Would I have held on stubbornly to that challenged faith like Job did or would I have begrudgingly given in?

I’m learning that I must:

Consider the source: Is this someone whose input has value?
Consider the message: Does what they are saying match up with Scripture? Does it match up with what the Holy Spirit has been telling me or is this noticeably out of place?
Consider the intent: Are they sharing something prayerfully and in love? Or are they condemning and hurtful?
Consider the authority: Is this simply an opinion or a way that God is speaking to me? (Remember that sometimes people even say things are ‘words from the Lord,’ yet they don’t mesh with Scripture or what God has been doing in your life).

In the end, I can’t be both—an obedient servant of Christ or a people-pleaser. Paul lays it down as an either/or choice:

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10 NIV).

“People-pleaser,” after all, is just a polite way of excusing the truth about me: I’m an idolater, worshiping the approval of others just as much as any man-carved image of stone or wood.

It takes discernment and courage to decide that “God’s judgment is the only one that counts” (Galatians: Gospel-Rooted Living, Todd Wilson) .

Heather King is a wife, mom, Bible Study teacher, writer and worship leader. Most importantly, she is a Christ follower with a desire to help others apply the Bible to everyday life with all its mess, noise, and busyness. Her book, Ask Me Anything, Lord: Opening Our Hearts to God’s Questions, is available now! To read more devotionals by Heather King, click here.

Does God Listen When We Pray?

February 24, 2014Leave a comment

“Listening is an act of love.”

That’s what she told me years ago as we sat around the table in our Bible study group.

She said it with a laugh, because she was a talker. She liked chatting, chatting, chatting. Listening was the sacrificial gift she gave to others.

Sometimes one phrase like that sticks with you years later. It presses that impression deep into your clay-heart and you can trace your finger along the imprint over and over, to remember, to act, to transform, to put it into practice.

It changes you.

Listening. That’s the act of love we give to others.

We quiet our own renegade thoughts, stop trying to think of what we want to say next, stop tuning others out in order to turn our selfish eyes inward once again.

We listen. Really listen. We listen so we can pray and ask the right questions. Yes, we listen so we can show love.

I take this to heart. Me, the mom perpetually in the minivan. Some days, my kids want to babble on so. I live in a world of noise.

But when I start to nod my head without hearing and insert appropriate “Mmmm—hmmmms” at well-timed pauses simply to pretend like I’m listening to them (while I secretly revel in my own private thoughts), I stop.

Now I choose to listen, choose to value who they are and what they have to say.

And I remind myself of this: Listening is an act of God’s love to me.

He doesn’t just ask me to give this gift to others. He gives it first.

I don’t always feel it, of course. Sometimes I push out those breathy prayers and feel like nothing is changing. He isn’t listening, isn’t understanding my need or even caring about my little self in my desperate situation.

Those prayers sure feel at times like they are hitting that proverbial ceiling.

The Psalmists understood.

David wrote,

“Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth“ (Psalm 54:2)

and

“To you, LORD, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who go down to the pit” (Psalm 28:1).

Asaph prayed the same:

“God, do not remain silent; do not turn a deaf ear, do not stand aloof, O God” (Psalm 83:1).

That’s what we feel perhaps, and yet we’re assured that God hears our pure hearts when we pray.

God doesn’t tune us out or ignore us.

Psalm 10:17 says,

“Lord, you have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their hearts. You will listen carefully” (HCSB).

He listens. Not distractedly, absentmindedly, or halfheartedly.

God listens “carefully” to the desire of the humble.

Indeed, the Psalmist could say, “You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh” (Psalm 38:9 NLT). Even when we can’t cram our needs and feelings into words, God hears the very longings of our heart and every sigh of our overwhelmed soul.

When Jesus stood outside of Lazarus’s tomb, surrounded by wailing mourners who blamed him for Lazarus’s death, He prayed with these words:

Then Jesus raised His eyes and said, “Father, I thank You that You heard Me. I know that You always hear Me….” (John 1:1:41-42 HCSB).

Jesus prayed boldly on the basis of the promise of God’s character: He is the God who always hears us.

In Beth Moore’s book, The Beloved Disciple, she issues a prayer challenge:

Every time you pray for the next week, begin your prayer with Christ’s words straight out of John 11:42, “I know You always hear me.” Then conclude it with Christ’s words in John 11:41, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me.” Practice God’s presence! Pray as if He’s really listening because He is!”

This is my prayer practice this week, the way I am pursuing the presence of Christ through my prayer life.

This week, I’ll continue breathing out those short 5-word prayers from last week.

But in my longer prayer times, I begin each with: “I know You always hear me.” And before I say, “Amen, ” I pray, “Father, thank You that You have heard me.”

Because He does hear me. I just need the reminder and reassurance at times. This great God, so Mighty, so Awesome, loves me and chooses to listen to me as an expression of that merciful love.

To read more about this 12-month journey of pursuing the presence of Christ, you can follow the links below! Won’t you join me this month as I focus on Praying Simply?

All the things you can’t do until you’re four years old….and why that’s mercy

February 21, 2014Leave a comment

She screamed almost the entire way home from church.

It was a shock to me. After church ended, my preschooler bounced out of the nursery cheerful and excited, waving to everyone we greeted in the hallway.

But when my daughters climbed all over each other to claim seats in the mini-van for the 12-minute ride home from church—as if they were choosing their positions for a round-the-world tour—my three-year-old hopped in the back seat.

She knew better. No booster seat until her fourth birthday. In the meantime, she was restricted to the five-point harness-equipped seats in the middle of the van. Normally, she just joked, hopping into the back and giggling hysterically until I motioned her to her normal place.

Not that day. Apparently she decided that enough was enough. This waiting until her fourth birthday thing was totally overrated. No ballet classes until she’s four. No back seat until she’s four. No three-day-a-week preschool until four. No Children’s Church until she’s four.

Sheesh. It’s a hard life being just three years old.

The thing is, I love her and it’s my job not just to give her what she wants, but to give her what she needs. Protection, limits, boundaries, rules, bedtimes, baths, healthy meals, love and affection. That’s my job. Making sure she’s in the car seat is part of the parental package.

So I made her move seats. And she screamed herself to sleep on the drive home from church.

Perhaps to her my restrictions were unreasonable, even mean,

Really, though, it was love and it was grace. It was looking out for her best no matter what.

We don’t always know what grace and mercy really look like either, do we?

We think that promotion, that dream-guy, that check in the mail, that recovery, that hugely successful ministry event, that healthy child—yes, that’s picture perfect grace. Those actions that don’t fit our Grace Template are the mysteries of God, the painfully chafing rub of disappointed religious expectations.

In The Book of Common Prayer these last two mornings, I prayed:

“Show us your mercy, O Lord”

“And, we pray, give us such an awareness of your mercies,
That with truly thankful hearts we may show forth your praise,
not only with our lips, but in our lives”

“Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy.
Lord, show us your love and mercy;
For we put our trust in you.”

Not only have I prayed for mercy, but I’ve prayed for the awareness of it, the ability to see with a truly thankful heart how God is graciously caring for me.

Even when it doesn’t look much like grace at the time.

Even when I’d rather have the easy and obvious mercy, the kind you pop up out of your pew on testimony Sunday to share, the kind that others applaud and rejoice with you about.

I’ve prayed to see with new eyes, looking through a filter of trust in God. That means trusting in His character, trusting in His love, trusting in His timing, trusting Him no matter what.

The apostle Peter encountered people just like me, those who thought if God wasn’t quick to fulfill His promises, if they had to wait too long or endure too much pain along the way, then God wasn’t fulfilling His end of the “bargain.”

God didn’t move when I thought He would move. God didn’t provide the way I thought He’d provide. God didn’t come through for me the way I wanted.

Sometimes we immediately assume the problem is with God. Maybe He isn’t really good! Maybe He isn’t really gracious.

That’s what the people in 2 Peter were questioning. Christ hadn’t returned right away as they expected and life was hard for the persecuted church and waiting was difficult.

Really, though, the problem isn’t with God. The problem is with our expectations. The problem is we’ve stopped looking at Him with eyes of trust.

Peter wrote to these struggling believers:

The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent (2 Peter 3:9 NLT).

God wasn’t being delinquent; He was being patient for their own sake. It wasn’t deficiency, apathy, or cruelty that caused His delay.

It was mercy, to give people time to accept Jesus Christ as Savior.

Sometimes mercy is “yes” and sometimes mercy is “no.” Sometimes grace is instant and sometimes it’s waiting and waiting and waiting.

But it is always for our sake. It is because He loves us that God cares for us the way He does.

Originally published 12/3/2012

Making a Prayer Pail: How to get out of that same-old prayer rut

February 19, 2014January 11, 20163 Comments

My four-year-old always manages to surprise me with her prayers. She keeps them fresh. What rolls off her tongue is what is just rolling out of her heart and mind.

But she’s the exception.

We do this nightly round-robin of prayers as a family. Mostly, my family slips easily into a rut of prayers. I can tell you what one of my daughters will pray almost word-for-word every…single….night.

Not only does she stick to the same verbal prayer routine, she has taken to praying at lightning speed, like she gets extra spiritual bonus points for crossing the finish line of “Amen” in record time.

Prayer should be more than that, right?

This message is for me. I don’t want to trek over those same prayer grooves night after night. I don’t want to pray out of “should” or “must” or spiritual duty, doing little more than checking off that sacred to-do-list.

Prayer should be this great passion.

Too often, we forget this: That we are granted access before the very throne of our Mighty God by the grace of our Savior. Prayer brings us into His presence. It’s beautiful and intimate and it should knock me right off my feet really to realize that a God so great could care about the tiniest needs of my simple soul.

So, how to help us all shake off the routine of prayer? How to remind myself and my kids that we should be praying for our missionaries, our church leaders, our government, our teachers, our friends and family in addition to our own little needs?

I saw this idea shared at The Women’s Bible Cafe and had this moment of, “Oh my goodness, this is the best idea ever.” It’s not something I could just pin on Pinterest and never turn into reality in my own home. This was something that needed to actually happen.

Delfina Salas, the mom who inspired this awesome idea, gave me permission to make my own prayer pail and share the results with you.

She let her kids decorate a tiny bucket and some Popsicle sticks. Then they wrote on each stick a prayer prompt—a missionary name or something like ‘government leaders.’

At dinner, they choose one Popsicle stick and pray for whatever is written on it.

Some of you might use prayer calendars in a similar way to help you remember to pray for a variety of needs.

But me? A mom with four young kids? Popsicle sticks with prayer requests seems like a good fit!

So, here’s our prayer pail….

We included each family member, extended family, soldiers, government leaders, teachers and schools, pastors and church leaders, and three different missionary families we know from our church.

My heart is to make this happen:

The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. This is the way our Savior God wants us to live (1 Timothy 2:1-3 MSG).

Thank you so much, Delfina, for the suggestion and allowing me to share this idea with others!

Have you found ways to revive your prayer life or help your kids learn how to pray for others?

How to Pray When You Don’t Have Time to Pray

February 17, 2014January 4, 2016Leave a comment

“Why’d you have to say that aloud?”

That’s what my husband asked me and I knew it the moment I said those words I should have kept them shut up inside my head.

Foolish mama, to say, “If I can just make it to mid-March, the rest of the year will be easy.”

It’s like painting a big target on yourself with a sign saying, “Please hit me HERE.”

Of course, my daughters carried home three different invitations to join this team and that club and this after-school activity that very week. And my tiniest girl comes to me with two birthday invitations.

That cathartic breath of victory, the kind you gasp in when you’ve crossed the finish-line of a suffocating race with your muscles screaming in pain and your head pounding, but you’re feeling accomplished—-that breath just got knocked right out of my breathless soul.

Why’d I have to go and say that aloud?

I pray out this whispered apology to God in my minivan:

“I’m just so sorry I’m rushing, sorry that 15 minutes of quiet in my car is the closest I get to really pouring it all out here with you, God. Please forgive me.”

It used to be…

In those pre-Mom days, I commuted at least an hour each way and amused all the New Jersey drivers as the woman talking to herself and singing in her Dodge Neon.

Every day, I spent two hours in prayer and worship.

And now?

I’m disciplining myself through Bible study and I’m grabbing every last second to flop down all exhausted at the feet of Jesus.

There are days when I’m panting like David:

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1 NASB).

I have been that dehydrated and parched.

This morning, I read it here:

In panic I cried out, “I am cut off from the Lord!” But you heard my cry for mercy and answered my call for help. Psalm 31:22

I have felt cut off from the Lord….Cut off from His presence. Cut off from that sweet intimacy of rambling conversations and long soul-talks with my Savior.

But…

The Psalmist tells me God hears that cry for mercy and call for help.

And He answers.

I can dream about used to be’s or feel the heavy burden of failure and mourn the loss. No more two-hour-long ‘quiet’ times in my tiny commuter car.

But here’s the thing….I’m working harder than ever to be there with Him. Perhaps that’s even more precious to Him?

There’s this blessed reality, this beautiful Mom-life. The beauty of interrupted thoughts and sweet hugs, of digging seeds deep down in the fertile souls of these four babies.

Maybe I can’t slip away for hours of prayer, but it’s because I’ve got my hands sunk in the soil and God’s there with me, patting down the dirt, watering and weeding, pruning and tending this garden of my home.

I read this grace:

“God gives more in a moment than in a long period of time, for His actions are not measured by time at all… Know that even when you are in the kitchen, our Lord is moving among the pots and pans.” – St Teresa of Avila

and this:

There are moments when you don’t have time for long, wordy prayers to God. You’re in the trenches. You’re at the end of your rope. You’re in the middle of life and just can’t push the pause button….Simple prayers from a person whose heart is bent towards God can be just as powerful as the poetic prayers of David (Emily E. Ryan, Guilt-Free Quiet Times).

I think of Nehemiah, who prayed and fasted for months, but had this one moment of great need and wrote simply, “So I prayed to the God of heaven” (Nehemiah 2:4). Just one sentence. one quick prayer for help when he needed it most.

That’s what my prayers are like now.

Emily E. Ryan teaches me 5-Word Prayers to Whisper in the Moment (from Guilt-Free Quiet Times)

Not my will, but Yours.
Not my timing, but Yours.
Not my day, but Yours.

This week, as I pursue the presence of Christ by Praying Simply….I practice these 5-word prayers. Sometimes less. Sometimes little more than, “Help!!” or “Jesus!!” or “Have mercy on me!”

I wash the dish and pray thanks.
I make the bed and pray for my marriage.
I drive the minivan and pray for our activities.
I tie the shoes and pray for the feet that wear them.

I feel His presence as we work that soil and I remember that I’m ministering with Him, not apart from Him.

To read more about this 12-month journey of pursuing the presence of Christ, you can follow the links below! Won’t you join me this month as I focus on Praying Simply?

Our Family Valentine’s Tradition….

February 14, 2014February 14, 20142 Comments

It started on February 1st at dinner.

A construction paper heart sitting next to each plate on the dinner table.

Just a simple thing. After all, I’m no Martha Stewart of crafts, but snipping red, pink and white construction paper into hearts I can do.

Fourteen days of hearts x 4 people = 56 hand-cut paper hearts. Then, project complete, I laid the first heart out on the table and waited.

“What’s this?” my daughters asked and then turning it over they found the note: Fourteen things I love about you…

And there it was, the first of fourteen days’ worth of things I love about my husband and three daughters.

My middle girl figured it out first. “You mean we will get 14 hearts with 14 things you love about us?”

Yes, baby girl. One for each day of February until Valentine’s Day.

Soon, they were trading hearts, swapping them around the table to read what I wrote about others. Sometimes what I said made them giggle:

How you love to laugh and tell jokes….

The way you collect fun and unique objects like your rock collection….

The way you an talk in accents and mimic characters’ voices and make funny voices of your own….

And others made them grin a little sheepishly, a little precious, a little sweet, a little blessed to know someone sees beauty in them.

You are such a good friend, kind and compassionate….

You are so good at teaching others. It is one of the amazing ways God has gifted you….

You are great at encouraging others and telling them that they are doing a great job….

Within a few days, I was swatting hands away from the kitchen counter before dinner. They hovered around the kitchen, not to sneak a bite of food, but to sneak a peak at those love notes.

This joy, this privilege, this responsibility of loving these daughters of mine means I have a job, not to spoil them like unsatisfiable princesses, dooming their marriages by giving them unreasonable expectations of romance and fulfillment from their husbands.

Not that.

But this. Telling them—you’re precious and totally loved. I see Jesus in you and He made you beautiful and valuable.

So, don’t let your head be turned by any scruffy teenage boy who looks in your eyes for more than 2 seconds. You’re not some cheap thrill, there for his amusement and enjoyment, available for use and abuse so he can get what he wants without giving you some basics like respect, compassion, service, self-sacrifice, commitment, honor, and the like.

You don’t need to throw away your own identity and bury your amazing self in order to get the slightest second of attention from some guy who can’t even be bothered to hold the door open for you, or call me “Yes, ma’am,” or listen to what you have to say, or put God first in his life, or make you a priority.

My girls may be so far away from middle school drama and the high school years of emotional pitfalls and relationship crises.

These lessons, though, start here and now. Eight, six, three years old—you are a treasure. Thirteen, eleven, eight—-you are worth God’s very best. Sixteen, fourteen, eleven—-you deserve to be treated like a lady.

This is what you are: “God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved” (Colossians 3:12).

This is what we are.

So all that fulfillment we seek in habits and praise from people, from attention and temporary happiness, from worldly success and stuff—just stuff, it’s all nothing more than a pimply faced teenaged boy who doesn’t care about us at all. It’s all just unsatisfying time-wasting and inevitable emotional vomit.

All of it.

But we’ve been given these love-notes from God:

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Zephaniah 3:16

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God…
1 John 3:1

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— Ephesians 2:4-5

Knowing how we are loved, knowing the price He paid and the extent of His sacrifice, reading these love notes and knowing He prizes us and treasures us, surely then we can cease the worrying and striving and searching for fulfillment. Surely we can trust Him.

After all, see how He loves us.

Reflections from a mom who is elbow-deep in glitter

February 12, 2014Leave a comment

I’m not a crafty person. I’m not a craft project blogger or an Etsy addict. Oh, I admire the creativity of others (okay, perhaps ENVY their artsyness), but I’ve accepted my limits and stopped trying to feel comfortable in the aisles of Michael’s and Joann Fabrics.

Yet today I sit at my table with glitter, craft foam, stamps, stencils, markers, colored paper and scissors to complete one item on my day’s to-do list: Make personal Valentine’s for my three girls.

Years ago, a man from our church told me that you can do many great things for daughters, but there are only two necessary things: Let them know they are beautiful and let them know they are loved.

At least for today, this thought has inspired me to turn my limited crafting skill into the most basic of all art projects: a handmade card. It’s not because I think the final outcome will be displayable or frameable. I could buy a better-looking card for a few dollars off the Wal-Mart rack.

It’s because I know that my daughters feel special when I make things for them and I want them to know they are loved.

As I sit making a mess out of glue and paper, I think about a biography I’ve been reading of E.B.White, the American essayist and author of Stuart Little, Charlotte’s Web and The Trumpet of the Swan.

In the summer following college, White grabbed a friend and a car and drove completely across the United States—before highways existed to make this kind of national crisscrossing an all-American past-time. They stopped in small towns and performed odd jobs or sold bits of White’s writing to local newspapers so they could buy food and gas. They slept outside or in the car or wherever they could. Arriving on the West Coast, White then hopped on a ship bound for Alaska.

Elbow deep now in glitter, I marvel that a human being would take off across the country without a plan, without connections, without a return date.

We’re so often like that, looking for purpose in life. We want a grand vision, a neon sign. We want impact. We want to know the one reason we exist on this earth.

Yet, as much as we overlook the beauties of the everyday, I wonder if they are truly the key to God’s greatest plan for us.

Instead of always ignoring today for the sake of the grand design of tomorrow, we give God glory in our jobs and our homes and relationships and churches.

We do what He has called us to do here, now, in this moment–no need for a cross-country adventure. We do it faithfully. We work at it with all our heart.

God had a great plan for Joseph’s life, yet it was worked out in days, months and years of serving as a slave in Potiphar’s house and then, as a prisoner himself, overseeing others locked in Egyptian jail cells.

Joseph’s ministry all that time involved washing dishes, working fields, carrying messages, figuring accounts, and managing property. It was his integrity and faithful hard work in the everyday tasks that allowed God to use him more and more.

Genesis 39 says:

“The Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man. . . . His master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord caused all that he did to succeed in his hands. So Joseph found favor in his sight and attended him, and he made him overseer of his house and put him in charge of all that he had” (Genesis 39:2-4).

Had Joseph balked at the menial tasks of slavery or begrudgingly gave second-best efforts as he served in Potiphar’s house, he might have remained a slave or a prisoner his entire life.

Egypt may not have survived the famine without Joseph.

Joseph’s father, Jacob, and his ten brothers and their families—the entire nation of Israel—may also have starved as the famine reached their land.

At least two nations depended on Joseph’s daily faithfulness to the tasks at hand.

Paul wrote:

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17).

and

^“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”
(1 Corinthians 10:31)

This is how we bring glory to God. It’s in the making of a Valentine’s card and the packing of a lunch. It’s in the shuffling of the wet laundry from washer to dryer. It’s in the standing at the stove to prepare a meal.

It’s you at your desk. It’s you in the classroom. It’s you teaching Sunday School. It’s you on your knees. This is what brings Him glory.

Originally posted February 13, 2012

Ask Me More: Why are you afraid?

February 7, 2014February 7, 2014Leave a comment

I wake up from the nightmare.

It’s about 4 a.m. maybe. I can’t see the clock without my glasses, so I guess at the time.

Dreams always remain hazy for me, but I remember what finally startled me awake: my daughter in the dream crying out, desperately broken, desperately sad.

It’s the second time I’ve dreamed about this one baby girl of mine being hurt, and I can’t shake the terror in the night or my helplessness. It’s just a dream and yet it seemed so real.

I could do everything right as a mom and still get it wrong. I could do everything right and still I can’t protect them all the time.

So, it’s 4 a.m. and I’m lying there still in the darkness just praying:

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus….. Have mercy….”

O Lord, I remember Your name in the night (Psalm 119:55a)

I pray it over each of my children by name. Pray until my heart calmly slips back into its normal rhythm.

And I sleep.

The next day, my family drives to church and unloads from the minivan in a stead stream of King family members.

But my other daughter lingers, hiding her face, and I see how she’s turned her back to the door. She’s been crying.

I lead her out by the hand, whisk her off to a quiet place and when I wipe those tears off her cheek, I ask her, “Why are you crying?”

She sobs it out and I try to interpret the shoulder heaves and breathy story.

We’d been listening to the song Blessings by Laura Story in the minivan. What if your blessings come through rain drops, what if your healing comes through tears?

And she watched her baby brother’s smiles and the way he cooed at her all the way to church and she thought, “What if something happens to him?”

She was afraid.

We tried all morning to help her overcome the anxiety of what-if’s and hypotheticals and the wondering, “how could I ever survive?”

Until finally, I whisper into her ear as she bows her head low….Look, I get this. Your mom has been a fearful person. I know what it’s like to be afraid. But you don’t know that anything bad will ever happen. You can’t miss out on enjoying the present for fear of an unknown future. The only thing you do know is that God loves you, God loves us, God will be with us.

I give her these two choices, cut through all of the possibilities and the confusion, the philosophy, the emotions.

Here it is.

Just this: Fear or faith?

And I think how I need this myself, as a woman, as a mom.

I can live in fear or I can live in faith.

I can parent in fear or I can parent in faith.

The disciples rocked violently in the wind of a Galilean storm on a boat they knew how to handle expertly. They were fishermen, well-versed in weather and weathering the storms on that sea.

But they were scared that night. Terrified even. This storm exceeded their ability and expertise. They could not survive alone.

And where was Jesus? Sleeping while they struggled? Ignorant of their need?

They woke him and poured out frustration and fear in a torrent of accusation, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” (Mark 4:38).

So, Jesus spoke to the waves and wind and they obeyed Him and settled into a calmed hush of stillness.

Then he turned to those still-shaking disciples, dripping wet and exhausted from their battle with the storm. He didn’t lecture them or give a sermon on His power or His mission.

He didn’t command that they also hush and be still.

Instead, He asked them a question:

“Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40 NASB)

Fear or faith.

Those are the only options. That’s what His questions mean.

The disciples felt justified in their fear, perhaps. Surely they should be afraid when an overpowering storm threatens to capsize their boat and drown them all.

But Jesus pushed beyond their excuses and reasoning to reach the real issue: We can’t be afraid and full of faith at the same time. It’s an either/or state of being.

Ray Stedman reminds me that even when damage seems permanent and disaster imminent:

One, the boat will not sink; it cannot sink when the Master of ocean and earth and sky is in it. Two, the storm will not last forever.

And that’s faith; it’s returning to what I know instead of worrying over the unknown.

So, I choose faith over fear this time. But it’s a journey. I must choose faith and choose faith and choose faith, not just once, but every time I’m tempted to question God’s presence, His love, or His power.

Want to read more about the questions God asks?
Check out my book, Ask Me Anything, Lord, available in paperback and for the Kindle and nook!

Five Simple Ways to Remember to Pray for Others

February 5, 2014February 6, 20142 Comments

“The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know.”
1 Timothy 2:1 MSG

“I’ll pray for ya!”

That’s what we promise.

But do we really remember? When life crowds in, do we keep our promise to pray for surgeries, doctor’s appointments, marriages, infertility, job interviews, ministry events, concerns about children, or direction….not for ourselves, but for others?

Because truth be told, so often we’re selfish, attending to our own needs and forgetting the needs of others.

Or maybe we’re distracted. Far too busy. Simply forgetful.

We need, though, not just to say we’re going to pray, but to truly bow down at the throne of God and lift up our friends, family, and church members, interceding on their behalf.

Oswald Chambers wrote:

“Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them. In this way, God is going to touch the whole world with His saints.“

God does not appoint one person in a group to pray for everyone else or call one person to intercessory prayer and give everyone else a “Get Out of Prayer” card.

He invites all of us to His throne room on behalf of the people we meet in “everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence.”

Perhaps God sent you through that particular line at the grocery store so you could meet and pray for your cashier.

Maybe the hairdresser who checks your name off the list and calls you back to the shampoo bowl was God-appointed so that you could pray for her.

That interruption in your day that sent you to the store unexpectedly may have been so that you could meet up with a friend from small group who needs prayer.

So then, how do you combat forgetfulness and busyness and self-centeredness and make praying for others a consistent reality rather than a broken promise?

Mark it on your calendar: Mingled among doctor’s appointments, ballet lessons, and cookouts, prayer requests dot my calendar. Surgery dates, job interviews, baby due dates, and court appearances are marked on the squares so that I will remember to pray on the very days necessary.
Pray right away: If someone calls me with a prayer request, I may very well pray right there on the phone. If not, I pray as soon as I hang up. I may be cutting onions, stirring pasta, washing dishes or folding clothes while I’m doing it, but I’m praying while it is fresh on my heart and mind. If I receive an email with a prayer request, I pray over it as I read and as soon as I’m finished.
Pray as you read Scripture: As I read, I ask God to reveal Scriptures that I can pray for those on my prayer list and He does. Right there in that moment, Bible in my hand, I pray for the person who has popped into my mind in association with that verse. ” God, place a new song in her heart” (Psalm 40). “God, fill her with the knowledge of Your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Colossians 1:9). Every time I open my Bible, I begin a conversation with God that often includes requests for others.
Stop, Drop and Pray: We’ve all had those moments when we’re running through our day and a friend appears in our thoughts for a moment. “I need to call her,” we might think. Or, “I need to remember to pray for her later.” I’ve learned to obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit and pray right then and there. I don’t need to wait until my quiet time to lift up a friend to God. I stop where I am, drop what I’m doing even if only for a few seconds, and pray—-before I forget and before urgent things distract me.
Post It: I’ve tried keeping a notebook of prayer requests before and it hasn’t worked for me. What I have done, though, is find ways to post the prayer requests so I see them all day and pray for them often. I have a prayer list for my kids on my refrigerator door. I’ve posted index cards around my desk with prayer requests for others. I have a prayer card in my Bible and another in my car.

Too often we try to confine prayer to specific times, meetings, sacred places and holy moments. But prayer can happen right here and now. As soon as the Holy Spirit nudges our heart, we can offer those prayers up to Him on behalf of others.

Originally posted as Pray for Us, Part II, 5/25/2011

Does prayer really have to be that complicated?

February 3, 2014February 6, 20146 Comments

I don’t remember the first time I talked to God, but I remember the moment I decided prayer was personal.

It’s funny how you don’t recall most of life when you’re three or four years old, but you can have these few vivid memories that play back like a well-worn movie.

I don’t remember how I knew my father had left us. I don’t remember how I felt about the whole ordeal of divorce.

But I sat on a swing-set in my backyard one day when I was about four and I said this,

“God, You’ll have to be my Daddy now.”

That I remember.

And prayer’s always been that for me, not some awkward attempt to wax poetic before a stern God. I’ve never felt like my prayers have to ‘measure up’ or ‘sound holy.’

Because it’s always just been me, a simple girl talking to Dad about life on a swing-set, about making tough decisions, about life as a mom, about life….

I found a prayer journal years ago with categories and lists, a calendar of prayer planning, verses and notes, bookmarks, quotes, all spiral bound for easy writing.

I’m a little surprised that it didn’t light up or play music.

But the thing about that super-duper-deluxe journal is that I never could use it. All those bells and whistles complicated prayer, made it so cumbersome and bulky.

I’d been chatting with God all day, every day for decades, and I couldn’t cram all that intimacy into a multi-step method in this how-to of prayer.

Maybe formulas and fancy systems work for you.

Or perhaps you’re like me, who simply wants prayer to be communion with God, the recognition of His presence here in this place.

Samuel Chadwick wrote:

“The one concern of the devil is to keep Christians from praying. He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work, and prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray” Samuel Chadwick

There’s such power in this prayer, and yet too often we avoid it and neglect it because we over-complicate it.

We act as if we’re not really praying unless we pray for two hours straight, on our knees, in a prayer closet, with a prayer journal, and maintain an adequate ratio of praise-to-petition.

And, since we can’t do all that, we simply don’t pray at all.

But God doesn’t regulate prayer with some hierarchical system of holiness.

That’s Satan, complicating things so that we give it all up all-together, feeding us the lies:

Prayer is too hard.
Prayer is for the holy.
I get bored.
If only I could pray like her. I guess I’m just a failure.
Surely God hears her prayers, but not mine because I don’t know how to start or what words to say and what if I get it all wrong?
I don’t have anything to say that’s important enough for God to hear.

Perhaps that’s how the disciples felt, when they overheard the Pharisees praying Shakespeare-quality performances every time they bowed their heads in the synagogue.

So, they asked Jesus, “Lord, teach us to pray….”

Maybe they expected a formula or a long lecture about the process of prayer or a complicated prayer cataloging system.

But Jesus did the opposite. The Lord’s Prayer fits into five simple verses, which Jesus prefaced with this:

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him (Matthew 6:5-8 NIV).

Don’t pray to show off.

Don’t feel like you need to pray for a long time.

Keep it simple. Pray what’s on your heart, because God already knows what you’re thinking and feeling.

Over the years, I’ve kept prayers on Index cards, prayers in beautiful journals, prayers on my fridge, prayers in a Word Processor on my computer.

And you know what? All of them were prayer. All of them helped me rest in the presence of God, learning to trust Him with my needs and learning to listen to His voice.

As I continue this 12-month journey of pursuing the presence of Christ, I choose this month to linger here:

In the end, what matters about prayer isn’t how we pray, it’s that we actually do it.

That’s what I’m thinking….Now it’s your turn:

Has prayer ever seemed complicated or difficult to you? What do you want to learn most about prayer? What’s the best advice about prayer you’ve ever been given? What have you found that works?

To read more about this 12-month journey of pursuing the presence of Christ, you can follow the links below! Won’t you join me next month as I focus on Praying Simply?

Heather C. King – Room to Breathe

"He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul" Psalm 62:1-2 (MSG).

Tag: Faith

Why Choosing New Glasses is Hard When You’re a People-Pleaser (Like Me)

Does God Listen When We Pray?

All the things you can’t do until you’re four years old….and why that’s mercy

Making a Prayer Pail: How to get out of that same-old prayer rut

How to Pray When You Don’t Have Time to Pray

Our Family Valentine’s Tradition….

Reflections from a mom who is elbow-deep in glitter

Ask Me More: Why are you afraid?

Five Simple Ways to Remember to Pray for Others

Does prayer really have to be that complicated?

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