Tag: Christian marriage books

Book Review | Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage

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Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage
by Greg Smalley and Erin Smalley

Greg and Erin Smalley share what they call 12 Secrets for a Lifelong Romance in their new book, Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage.   Each chapter offers up a tip/secret/marriage principle, such as honoring one another, communication strategies, serving each other, and being committed to each other and to the relationship.  The Smalleys specifically combat some of the lies we buy into about marriage like “marriage is easy when you find ‘the one’ or ‘marriage is about being happy.’  crazylittlethingcalledmarriage

The book is written with a great deal of humor and honest stories from their own marriage.  Most of it seems written from Greg Smalley’s perspective with Erin jumping in occasionally.  I thought some of the best content in the book covered the area of the husband struggling as the spiritual leader in a marriage.  For so many women, when we say we want our men to be spiritual leaders, we define that very specifically:  He needs to initiate prayer time with us every day.  He needs to lead us in family devotions and devotions for us as a couple.  He needs to have daily quiet times that include a prayer journal and then talk about those spiritual insights with us.

I’ve found over the years that for most women, this is a trap of disappointment and frustration and leads to dishonoring our husbands.  Greg Smalley said it so well in this book:  “I want to challenge men to let go of preconceived notions about what it means to be a spiritual leader–where they’re only focused on spiritual disciplines. I want to challenge each woman to broaden her definition of what it means to be a spiritual leader and to notice all the ways that her husband loves and cares for his family….God has gifted every person with specific strengths. Certain gifts help men lead the family toward God, using His methods of humility and grace. A man can give spiritual leadership in all kinds of ways. (pp. 40-41).

It was eye-opening to read this book when you remember that Greg Smalley is the son of the quite successful Christian marriage author and speaker, Gary Smalley.  So, you’d probably expect Greg to have a pretty good start in his own marriage.  He’s fairly open and honest about the fact that his marriage actually struggled quite a bit in the beginning and there was a lot of head knowledge about marriage that he had to learn over time how to actually put into practice.

I would have loved to hear even more from Erin Smalley in this book.  I’ll be honest, a lot of the time Greg sounds like he’s defending some of his choices by emphasizing how his wife does actually love that he’s fun and spontaneous. For instance, I think even at the end of the book, he thinks it was ‘cool’ and ‘fun’ that he jumped into some water on their honeymoon that was clearly marked “NO SWIMMING” and thought his wife was the one with the problem since she refused to join him.  To me, that’s not ‘cool’ or ‘fun’ or remotely ‘romantic.’  It sounds pretty unwise and foolish.  Even more than that, it sounds childish, dangerous and illegal.  So, I had a hard time applauding him or even feeling remotely swayed by his perspective that their disagreement was a mutual problem or that she also needed to grow and mature so she could appreciate their differences.  But, what can I say, I didn’t marry someone who would do something like that and I guess that’s just one more reason I can be so thankful for my own husband!

In addition to all of the material within the book itself, they include links at the end of each chapter for date night ideas and followup questions for couples and small groups.   I can’t say that this was the most insightful book about marriage I’d ever read.  Most everything in the book could have been picked up from any other Christian marriage book and the “12 secrets” didn’t really seem like secrets at all.  But as a basic Christian marriage manual, this is a good read.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer:   Heather King is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Book Review | 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage

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9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire’s new book, 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, accomplishes something quite difficult: Saying something fresh about marriage.  After reading and/or reviewing so many marriage books that focus on male/female communication and seeing the world as either pink or blue and offer cute little catchphrases, I loved how Gregoire dug a bit deeper.  She tackles commonly held cliches or superficial Christian marriage beliefs and replaces them with 9 thoughts that could change the way you think about what it means to love your 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriagehusband.

Her first thought sounds so simple: “My Husband is My Neighbor.”  But in that one simple thought, she addresses an attitude adjustment that we need to make as wives.  She writes, “it’s often easier to feel compassion for people in the abstract than for individuals we know up close and personal” (16) and also, “I have this sneaking suspicion that most of us save our best behavior for those whom we barely know and show our worst side to those we know the best” (17).  Isn’t that so true?  We often display grace, forgiveness, and compassion for those outside of our home, strangers even who we meet at the grocery story or the bank, but then snap at every flaw we see in the one person we are to treasure the most.

Her other thoughts are just as important, valuable, and challenging, including “My Husband Can’t Make Me Mad,” My Husband Was Not Put on This Earth to Make Me Happy” and (my favorite), “I”m Called to Be a Peacemaker, not a Peacekeeper.”  In this last chapter, she argues that “pursuing peace does not mean seeking an absence of conflict.”  Instead, God’s heart is for oneness, and sometimes that means choosing to work together to fix differences instead of simply ignoring them in an effort to “keep the peace.”

Gregoire manages to maintain a very difficult balance.  Submission and respecting our husbands does not mean allowing them to do whatever they feel like it, no matter how abusive, harmful, irresponsible, and hurtful.  Her question is, “If you step back and ‘submit,’ are you being a ‘suitable helper’ to him? Or are you enabling him?”  Nor does establishing boundaries in marriage mean threatening divorce or harping on his every flaw and failing.  She suggests that holiness in marriage results from lovingly helping each become more Christ-like, loving each other enough to speak truth in love when necessary.

Throughout each chapter, Gregoire includes Action Steps and then she includes a summary of all of the action steps at the end of the chapter so they are easy to find and implement.  You may not be able to do each action step in a chapter, but with several choices, there is usually something you can put into practice.  Some action steps involve your husband and some you can do on your own, like “Pray about where God is leading your husband. Ask God, ‘How can I tangibly support my husband in that?’

She also provides a helpful appendix with her favorite marriage resources in various categories, such as: Make Your Marriage Great, The Purpose of Marriage, Sex, Handling Conflict and Setting Boundaries, and Roles in Marriage.  I loved this resource list because it’s likely that as you read her book, you’d identify the weaker aspects of your marriage and then find further information and encouragement on those specific areas.

Ultimately, this is a marriage book for an engaged woman, the newly married, the seasoned wife with a great marriage and the woman in a marriage that is struggling.  While not every one of her thoughts will fit your own marriage needs, there are most likely at least some healthy reminders or fresh encouragements to help any wife make her marriage better.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer:   Heather King is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Book Review | Keep Your Love On

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Keep Your Love On
by Danny Silk

In Keep Your Love On, Danny Silk focuses on some of the conflicts and pitfalls in relationships that drain us emotionally and leave us KYLOready to abandon loving others.  He draws on wisdom and advice from other sources such as love languages (from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) and boundaries (from Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend), but it is helpful to have all of the info in one place.

His focus is often on marriage, although he does emphasize the circles of influence/relationships we have and who belongs in each.  We all should have God at the center, then our spouse, our kids, other family and close friendships, etc.  It’s easy to get that mixed up and find ourselves giving ‘outsiders’ more access to us than our closest family.

I also liked his discussion of boundaries and how to talk through conflict, including refusing to engage in a discussion when someone isn’t speaking to you with respect.  That’s one boundary I’ve had to hold onto recently and I suspect it is becoming even more necessary in our era of technology and communication when people shoot off nasty emails and post hurtful blog comments or Facebook replies in seconds.

He’s pretty quick and to the point in every chapter.  I probably would have preferred more examples and explanations.  Sometimes I felt like I could say to him, ‘Well, I can see how that would work in this situation, but what about…..” but he didn’t anticipate that or cover more possibilities.  He talked about some of his own marital challenges in the first ten years with his wife and how they overcame, and I found myself thinking—so, how did you overcome?  I also would have liked more and, in some cases, better biblical examples and support for his points.  I read somewhere that there are videos and other accompanying materials for “KYLO” and maybe that’s what I’m missing.

With that said, this book could be especially useful for those dealing with difficult relationships, maybe in marriage or even ministry.  We often need the reminder of why we set boundaries and how to stick to them.  I think his overall goal was to help the reader learn to value and pursue the connection with others even when you disagree with them while establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer:  Heather King is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Book Review, Messy Beautiful Love

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Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
by Darlene Schacht

In her book on marriage, Messy Beautiful Love, Darlene Schacht shares a testimony of grace.  She’s not a marriage counselor or the perfect wife who has always gotten it all right.  She starts the book off right away with a reminder that she’s struggled and messed it all up, but God redeemed her marriage and taught her so she could share with other women.messybeautifullove

Better known as the popular blogger, The Time-Warp Wife, Darlene is a skilled storyteller who shares with open vulnerability.  This book reminds us that fairy tale marriages where everyone lives Happily Ever After without effort are just that–fairy tales.  Life happens.  Whether it’s because of everyday stress and the rush of jobs and kids or it’s the moments when the world just seems to crash down on you like illness, loss, bankruptcy, unemployment, no beautiful love exists without some mess.  But her book reminds us of how to respond, how to grow together, and how to be prepared for the best and worst that marriage and life might have to offer.

Ultimately, it’s mostly a book of practical marriage tips and covers things like “give up your right to be right,” “handle your conflict wisely,” “appreciate him for who he truly is,” “communicate with loving respect,” etc.  I especially appreciated that she focused on wives and what we can do as godly women to be obedient to God in our marriage.

The book is easy to read.  She uses mostly personal stories to convey her points, sharing occasionally letters from other women that she’s received through her blog, and some Scriptures.  It’s not my favorite marriage book.  I felt by the end that she hadn’t really said anything original, nothing I hadn’t read hundreds of times in every other marriage book.  But her book is unique in that she’s sharing out of her struggles instead of clinical expertise.  She also doesn’t give you cutesy slogans or communication exercises to solve your marriage woes.  This book is more about ‘getting real’ about marriage from a wife who has been there in the trenches and walked out stronger.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Book Review

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The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages
by Shaunti Feldhahn

In her new book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shaunti Feldhahn shares what she’s discovered from her latest research on what helps marriages thrive.  She found that lots of couples focus on what they consider the “big things” like ‘communication,’ but that can’t really identify whasurprising-secrets-concept-1-v2bt that means or what it looks like.  Yet, really there are a few small habits, actions, and behaviors that the most happily married couples had in common.

Some of these little secrets might be no secret to you, like spending time together.  Others might be more surprising, like the fact that highly happy married couples sometimes leave a conflict for another day rather than trying to hash it before bed no matter how physically tired and emotionally depleted they are.

She also emphasizes at the end of the book that no one should tackle all these tips at once.  It’s too easy to get overwhelmed, forget, or just give up.  Instead, choose one or two focal points and work on those.  Even if one partner chooses to change, she argues, most marriages will benefit from these practices.

The book moves quickly and is easy to read.  Ultimately, the emphasis is on kindness and commitment, two marriage tips we might all agree on, but fail to really practice in our own homes with our own spouses.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”