Book Review | Seasons of Waiting

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Seasons of Waiting: Walking by Faith When Dreams are Delayed
by Betsy Childs Howard

Waiting is one thing most Christians have experienced before, and something most of us complain about.  Waiting stretches us.  It tests faith and reveals character.  It shows whether we deep-down trust God or not.  And, it’s usually uncomfortable. I’ve been through my own long waits for provision and fulfilled promises before, so I was excited to read Seasons of Waiting by Betsy Childs Howard.  seasonsofwaiting

Overall, I felt her outlook on waiting offered a new, big-picture perspective.  She argues that what we wait for in the here-and-now illustrates how all of creation longed for a Savior and how we are all still longing for the return of Christ.  This made me realize how my own waiting means far more than just character-building or faith-growing in my own life.  I wait with creation. I wait with all humanity.  It helps me to pray in a new way and tap into a greater longing for God Himself rather than just whatever I’ve been seeking.

After an initial introduction to the greater context of waiting, Howard then offers a series of chapters on specific things many people wait a long time for:  Marriage, Children, Healing, a Home. This section of the book was, to me, okay.  I felt disappointed in the content because those aren’t really how I’m finding myself waiting.  It appears that this book was launched after an article the author wrote for The Gospel Coalition on being, at that time, a single Christian woman.  But when she transferred that to book form, it felt too audience-specific.  Howard does make attempts to broaden the audience in each chapter, reminding us that those waiting for a human husband represent the bride waiting for the return of Christ.  This was mildly helpful, but still left me wanting more.

At only 98 pages, this book ended up far shorter than I expected and didn’t really delve into the greater spiritual lessons on waiting that I wanted.  I didn’t need to read about specific waiting scenarios.  I wanted to follow the journey of those who waited in Scripture.  I wanted to know what to do in the waiting, how to pray in the waiting, how to serve others in the waiting, how to be content in the waiting, and the like.   To me, the book could have replaced the middle content with much deeper lessons on a subject we all need to learn more about since we’ve all been in a season of waiting before (or are in a season like that now). Of course, for others who are waiting for marriage, or children, etc., this book may feel particularly relevant and helpful.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer:   Heather King is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

 

She Carried in Peace with the Food Tray

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colossians 3

Last week, I wove through hospital hallways to visit with a dear family friend who was dying.

She allowed me to sit with her, to pray with her, and I was the blessed one to enjoy some time by her side.

While I visited, a steady stream of people filed in for treatments and check-ins, visits and more.

But there was this young girl.

She carried in a tray of food that I knew right away would be left uneaten on the table by the bed.  My friend didn’t want any of it, didn’t have any appetite, and didn’t want to be forced to eat.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then this young lady returned.  She sat gently by the side of the hospital bed.

She said, “Let’s find something light that you might like to eat.  Is there anything on your mind that sounds good?”

They hunted together through the menu on the iPad, finding choices that just might be okay and even picking out ice cream for my friend’s husband.  And that was that, dinner would be served.

Later, as I said my goodbyes and tried to find my way through the hospital corridors back to the elevator (I always get so hopelessly lost!), I saw the young girl with her trays and her menu lingering outside another room a few doors down.

And I thanked her.  Oh, I truly thanked her. I looked her right in the eyes and said how much I appreciated her bringing such cheer and gentleness to those who needed it.

Maybe she thought I made a whole big deal out of a whole lot of nothing that day.

She works in food services.  She delivers trays of food and takes dinner orders from hospital patients day after day.

What, she might have wondered, was so special about that?

But to me, it was the most beautiful ministry.  She took all that time, listening patiently to patients who are in pain, who are frustrated by limitations and people pushing at them all the time to do things they don’t want to do.  They don’t want to be here and they don’t want to eat this.  They don’t want people filing in and out of the room All.  The.  Time.  They probably just want to be left in peace, to put the whole ordeal behind them and just wake up one day and be healthy again.

Instead of going through the motions of service without treating any of the patients like real people…and instead of getting snippy about uneaten trays of food…this young lady  accommodated.  She smiled.  She waited without pressuring.  She spoke quietly and nodded with understanding .

She brought peace right into that room with her.

I learned from her once again the ministry of the small.

In the book of 1 Chronicles, tucked into a listing of the Very Important People in David’s reign is one name that stands out to me:

Jonathan, David’s uncle, was a counselor, being a man of understanding and a scribe. He and Jehiel the son of Hachmoni attended the king’s sons. Ahithophel was the king’s counselor, and Hushai the Archite was the king’s friend.  Ahithophel was succeeded by Jehoiada the son of Benaiah, and Abiathar. Joab was commander of the king’s army. (1 Chronicles 27:32-33 ESV).

The king had counselors and scribes, attendants for his kids, and army commanders.

But Hushai was the king’s friend.

And the ministry of friendship, though it may seem so small, has great value to the king.

We can long to do big things and make big impact, but perhaps God is calling us to be a friend or mom or wife.

Or to pour ourselves into a job that brings us low in order to serve others and carry Christ’s peace to them.

Twice in the same chapter of Colossians, Paul echoes this thought:

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17 ESV

 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,  knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:23-24 ESV

Whatever we do, big or small, may it be in His name today.  May we give thanks for the opportunity.  May we work heartily for Him, knowing we serve Jesus Himself.

His presence in us makes a difference for those around us.

Book Review | Rooted

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Rooted: The Hidden Places Where God Develops You
by Banning Liebscher

Process. Banning Liebscher’s new book, Rooted, is all about the process of how God deepens our roots in the hidden places usually long before he allows us to have any visible impact.  This process can be slow and full of the unknown.  God digs us down deep in Him, checking our motives, teaching us to trust Him, and developing intimacy with Him.  Sometimes we get so frustrated in the long journey from vision to fulfillment, but God is at work  in the season of waiting and preparation.rooted

Using David’s life as a guide, Banning makes a case for why being rooted matters and then studies three specific roots that God needs to establish in us:  Intimacy, Serving and Community. I loved his discussion of how God roots us. He says, “We’ll never thrive in the process unless we accept the place where God has put us, because that’s the only place He will work with us.”  Banning argues for resting in God and trusting Him with the “how” of fulfilling His plans for us.  He also reminds us that “if we try to rush our growth, we’ll only destroy it.”  That’s a powerful lesson for those of us who want to skip that process and get to the results already!

Rooted would be a powerful book for any Christian, but I think it can particularly impact those in ministry because it reminds us to stop seeing things from our own impatient, often rushed perspective on success and goals and to remember God’s true desire for us to walk with Him in intimacy and humble obedience.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer:   Heather King is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Attacked by an Angry Bird

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ephesians2-14

We’re being attacked by an angry bird and he is giving us no peace.

When my son woke up more than an hour early from his nap the other day, I knew something was up.

Then I heard it.

Wham!

Wham!

Something was slamming, repeatedly, into the window in my son’s room.

My two-year-old told me “I scared.”

I’d be scared too if I was awakened from a deep sleep by the sounds of attack.

I peeked outside our front door and saw our enemy, a brilliant cardinal–a bird I’d normally praise for beauty–banging his head against the glass over and over and over again.

What could I do but take pictures and a little video?

angry bird

He glared at me as if I was mocking him with my phone.  It was both frustrating and amusing at the time.

But now that this bird is still waking my son up two days later with his repeated assault, I have declared avian war.

I’ve trimmed back all the branches that brushed the side of our house.

I gently lifted his nest (no eggs or babies!) and moved it to another tree.

I’ve stood guard through today’s naptime and run out the front door every time our red-feathered enemy started his bombardment.

He flies onto the roof every time I run out the door, and I think he’s finally tired of running away.  Maybe he’ll realize this perch isn’t worth defending and find somewhere else to nest.

After two days of war on our peace, I am happy to settle into a little quiet.

That’s what we all want, after all, a little peace.

I’m not talking about world peace and I don’t even mean just the absence of conflict.

I mean that feeling of settled rest, no more feeling on alert and on guard, the feeling that your muscles don’t need to be tense and you can sink back into a pillow without fear of attack.

In the Psalms, I read something that rings so true:

Too long have I had my dwelling
among those who hate peace.
I am for peace,
but when I speak, they are for war!
(Psalm 120:6-7 ESV).

Sometimes, we’re so desperate for peace and it just seems like people or even circumstances are determined to attack us.

It’s a relentless assault and sometimes it comes out of nowhere and wearies us to the bone..

You feel settled and then you are shaken.
You feel confident of the future and then there is change.
You feel content and then envy strikes.
You think everything is fine and then you read the nasty email.

Here’s what I love, though, Jesus knows the deepest and truest need of our needy hearts.

When he appeared to the disciples following his resurrection, Jesus had a clear message to share:

“Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, ‘Peace be with you.'” (John 20:19 ESV).

“Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you” (John 20:21 ESV).

“Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.‘ (John 20:26 ESV).

“Peace be with you.”  If there’s anything those disciples needed in that moment, when their Messiah seemed dead and they feared they’d be killed soon also, it was peace, and Jesus knew that.

But, the most beautiful thing about this is that Jesus could have just as easily said “I AM with you” because He is our PEACE and our Prince of Peace;

He is the reason we can deeply rest and have confidence in the goodness and the ability and the mercy of our God.

Beth Moore reminds us that, while we can feel shaken and attacked,

Christ had perfect peace in ALONENESS…in PROVISION…in the STORM…in the WAIT…and in the TEARS (Living Beyond Yourself).

In any circumstances and at all times, Christ’s presence can bring us the peace we need.  Yes, even for the aloneness, for the seasons of want, for the storm, for the long waiting, and for the tears.

That doesn’t mean, of course, that an angry bird might come out of nowhere and start waging war on your son’s naptime.

And it doesn’t mean that bird will magically disappear on his own.

No, I had to do battle.

But it does mean that Jesus offers to bring His peace right there into the noise and the fighting and the fear and uncertainty or whatever we face.

He assures us that He’s here.

“Peace be with you.”  And He is.

Be a Jonathan Today

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1 thessalonians 5

There’s a couple in our church who’ve been married over 60 years.

They’re in a season of jet-setting, of cruises and spontaneous trips up to New England to see the fall leaves.  They drive all over to visit family and seem busier now than I am with my four kids.

They’ve known sadness too.  They’ve had cancer, lost family members to cancer, even lost a child to cancer.

About a year ago, I passed by my husband as he was chatting with the husband-half of this dynamic duo and I heard these words of wisdom:

These are the best days, when your kids are young.  I remember when all our kids were little and at home and it was crazy, but those were the best days. 

I didn’t catch any other part of that conversation, but oh how those words dug down deep within me.

The other day, I said to my husband as we drove home from church, “We’re super close to the time when we have a built-in babysitter in our home.  Aren’t you excited?  I’m excited!”

It’s so true.  Our kids are getting older, getting ready to stay home alone and even babysit younger siblings.  It won’t be long (dare I say it?) before my oldest daughter can drive herself to activities.  What a day that will be!

Last week, I took four of my kids into a museum and we did not bring the stroller.  Each child carried her own backpack of stuff and I just toted a bag of my own.  Whoa!

This is a new era for me.  And it’s just the beginning.  I’ll be living a life without diapers, wipes, and juice boxes before long.

I should be excited.  This is a new season, and it’s a beautiful season.

But I truly treasure the wisdom from this church-friend of ours because even on days when I’m rushing from activity to activity, breaking up sibling spats, or navigating a grocery store with the ‘help’ of a two-year-old who doesn’t want to ride in the cart, even on the days when I’m most exhausted or most overwhelmed, I hold onto his truth.

These are the best days.  I will never have them again. 

I may get to go on weekend getaways with my husband. I may be less of a taxi driver and more of a world traveler.

But oh the beauty of the now.

Oh the beauty of making this family and loving this family through its most significant character-forming, faith-building, family-identity-forming era.

This gentleman isn’t the only one who has given such a gift of wisdom and perspective.

Last Easter, a dear friend in my church, a joy-bringer and encourager, gave me a little gift with a hummingbird on it.

She said the hummingbird made her think of me, flitting about, always moving, so beautiful.

This was another treasured gift.

I wage this constant battle for balance.  I’m a doer who is happy doing, and that’s something God created in me and what God creates is good.

But I have to choose and discipline myself for rest, for beauty breaks and for finding room to breathe.

I know this about myself.  I know my weakest weakness and how easy it is to call me out for doing too much.

But she chose to see the beauty.

And the funny thing is I’d never seen a hummingbird, not in my whole entire life, until about two years ago when we planted butterfly-attracting plants in our back garden.

Turns out hummingbirds like these flowers too, and they hover all summer long right next to the window where I write every day.

They have become God-gifts to me, sightings and reminders that God sees me and knows me, He made me and He loves me.  He helps me know when to do and when not to do.  He guides me ever so gently and cherishes me the way He made me.

These are the treasures I receive from God’s family, just two of many gifts I’ve been given, words of hope or encouragement, wisdom and perspective.

I’ve been reading 1 Samuel with my kids recently and we discovered this verse:

Then Saul’s son Jonathan came to David in Horesh and encouraged him in his faith in God (1 Samuel 23:16 HCSB).

David was on the run once again from Saul’s envious wrath, and he discovered that the city he was hiding in planned to betray him and him over to Saul. So David escaped with his men into the wilderness.

If ever he needed a treasured friend, it was in his wilderness season.

And Jonathan was that friend.

Can we be a Jonathan for another today?

Can we give a treasure away, encouraging someone in her faith in God, share wisdom, see beauty, give hope?

 

 

An epidemic of growing up

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Isaiah 40

We have an epidemic of growing up going on over here.

Some of that is reason to rejoice, like the end of another school year ushering in summer break.

But some of it I feel the need to grieve over a bit, like how two of my daughters have long since passed the age of 9 and 9 is a big deal to me.  Bigger than 10. Bigger than 11.

Nine is the halfway point to their 18th birthday and halfway through the time I’ll have with them at home.

When my girls turned 9, I found myself clinging even more to family time so I could treasure it and enjoy it while it’s here.  Of course, they wanted more friend time because they’re growing up.

Then there’s my two-year-old son, who has always called his big sister, “Tat Tat” instead of Catherine.  It’s just the cutest thing.

“Tat Tat go to dance?  Tat Tat go to school?  I want Tat Tat home.”

Seriously.  Adorable.

But lately he transitioned to calling her “Caperine,” which is still kind of sweet but loses some of the tenderness of a nickname.

I’m sad.  I really loved hearing “Tat Tat,” and it’s just one more reminder that he’s not a baby anymore.  It’s a little letting go of something we’ll never get back again.

And then there’s my oldest girl making tough decisions.   I’ve told her she’s old enough now to be personally praying over her choices and looking to God for guidance.

So, I’ve watched as she’s sent in form after form with middle school decisions.

Plus we’ve talked round and round and we’ve prayed and prayed over her choices about her activities.  If she does this, then she can’t do this and this.  So, is it worth it?  Or should she do something else instead?

I want the decision to be hers. I want her to own it, including all of the consequences involved.

But this is a tough one.

She asks me what I think and the truth is I don’t even really know. I acknowledge the difficulties because there’ll be a bit of sadness and loss either way.  You can’t do everything and these are all good things.

Many years ago, when I had just two kids who were both under two years old, a lovely older woman told me, “It’s harder to be a parent of adult children than it is to be a mom with young kids.”

I think I blinked two tired eyes at her in disbelief.

Now I understand a tiny bit.  This is what she was talking about, how it stretches us as moms and weighs heavy on our faith to let our kids make their own decisions and then handle the consequences of those decisions.

That’s starting to make a bit more sense now.

This week, I read in Psalm 127:

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate (verses 3-5 ESV).

Mostly I hear these verses quoted when people talk about the blessings of having a large family with lots of arrows in the quiver.

David Jeremiah, though, said:

The psalmist says our children are like arrows. And what does an arrow do? It goes to a place we can’t go, to accomplish a purpose we can’t accomplish (Hopeful Parenting).

He also quotes Stu Weber:

“…our children are the only messages we’ll send to a world we’ll never see. They are the only provision we have for impacting a world as a distance.”

I need the reminder just now that I’m not losing these “arrows” of mine as they grow up and they grow into independence.

No, I’m sending them out.

They go where I can’t go.  They accomplish what I can’t accomplish.

They head into a future I can’t fully inhabit and have impact beyond my abilities to impact.

So I value this brief time with my children all the more because as I pour into them and teach them and pray over them, I prepare and equip them to hit the targets of God’s good and perfect will and plan for their lives.

But it also helps me let go a little.

I still mourn some. I mourn not getting to make decisions FOR them or even WITH them, but instead allowing them to decide.

I mourn the loss of “Tat Tat” and other marks of babyhood.

But I find myself letting go and trusting God.

He is with them.

He can teach them and carry out His will.

Their faith becomes personal and that brings me joy.

 

 

I’ve Taken This for Granted

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Psalm 119-14

I’ve been to the library twice this week.  After bringing home an entire bag full of books the first time, my oldest daughter announced, “Oh, mom, I finished those.  Are you going to the library any time soon?”

Yesterday, my daughter brought home a Scholastic flyer from school with books everywhere circled.  “For my summer reading list,” she said.

I bought each of my girls a tower of books for Christmas and by spring break they were languishing from lack of reading content.  Now I’m collecting material for their summer lists.

We have almost the entire set of Magic Tree House books from when my older girls were little.  But my first grader just will not read them.  Will not.  Despite all my coaxing and assurances that they are just plain awesome.

She does, however, ravenously devour chapter books in several brand new series that we don’t already own.  That means, of course, that we have new books to hunt for and collect because she doesn’t want the ones we already have.

But I definitely can’t get rid of the Magic Tree House books because, after all, they are awesome and my son might enjoy them.

Not only do we have physical books in every crevice and cranny of our home, we’ve got an audio book going in the minivan.  We were 28 minutes away from finishing the book last night and we had a 12-minute drive home from ballet.

I took the long way home.  Yes, I did.  Then, we sat in the minivan an extra four minutes just so we could get to the end.  No way were we going into the house with four minutes left in this story.

Night after night, we have to threaten our children with punishments for reading too long.  They always have “just a few more pages” before they can possibly put the book away.

Once, when my oldest daughter was in first grade, I thought she had gone to bed so quietly one evening.  Her room was silent.  But then, when I did my sweep around the house before I went to bed at 11:00 that night, I discovered her hidden behind her door, book in one hand, flashlight in the other, still reading.

I’ve often felt like one of my chief responsibilities as the mom to my children is to keep them continuously supplied with reading material, and it surely is a job.

So, when a friend tells me this week about a local classroom where some of the kids live in homes with no books, I let that sink deeply into my soul.

Yes, I knew that some children don’t have their little names penciled into the front of any book covers.  , and they have nothing at all to read before bedtime.

But I need the reminder.  Because I can take our personal library for granted and I can fail to truly value these books for the treasures they are.

And I can forget to be generous, sharing with others out of our own plenty.

Then, this morning, I read in Psalm 119:

My soul is consumed with longing
    for your rules at all times. (verse 20)

My soul clings to the dust;
    give me life according to your word! (verse 25)

I cling to your testimonies, O Lord;
    let me not be put to shame! (verse 31)

Is this true of me?  Am I consumed with longing for God’s Word?  Am I desperate for the life He gives me through Scripture? Do I cling tightly to His testimony as if I’m holding on for dear life to the greatest treasure of this earth?

I realize I take far more than access to books for granted.

I have undervalued God’s Word.  Sometimes, I just stop treasuring it.  I stop treating quiet times like holy spaces and act like I’m just doing a homework assignment instead.

I’ve read about children who walked 20 miles because they heard a missionary in their area had Bibles available.  Believers in some countries choose to buy a Bible instead of buy food. In Asia, Christians share pages of the Bible with each other, memorizing the words so they can carry God’s message in their hearts and minds even when they can’t hold it in their hands.

What I need is the reminder that God’s Word is life and it is breath to me.  It is the sustenance I need and the food of my faith.

The Divine makes Himself known to us in the written Word.

Truly valuing God’s gift radically changes the state of my heart.  I learn from the Psalmist–to desire it, to cling to it, to long for it…and then to share it with others who may not have heard.

In the way of your testimonies I delight
    as much as in all riches (Psalm 119:14 ESV).

Book Review: The Blessing of Humility

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The Blessing of Humility
Jerry Bridges

Years ago, I read Respectable Sins, the first book I’d ever read by Jerry Bridges.  At the time, I remember feeling a bit undone—in the best way.  Without being preachy or combative, condemning or judgmental, he managed to stir up a heart of repentance and draw his readers to the heart of the gospel.  He does the same in his book, The Blessing of Humility.  Chapter after chapter, Bridges reminded me of my dependence on Christ both to save me and to transform me in this Christian life.blessing of humility

Bridges walks through the Beatitudes in this book and ties each one back to the unifying theme of humility.  He caught my attention right from the introduction, saying, “The character trait of humility is the second-most frequently taught trait in the New Testament, second only to love.  At one time I counted fifty instances of love taught, either by precept or example, in the New Testament; I counted forty instances of humility.”  This study on humility seems especially relevant to me in our look-at-me culture of selfies and Facebook statuses, Twitter feeds and more.  It seems like we are always vying for attention.

The Blessing of Humility is quite brief and very to the point.  The text itself is about 95 pages and a discussion guide in the back extends the content out, making it useful for small group discussion.   It would be easy to make a short book like this little more than a lecture on a theological idea.  Bridges doesn’t do that.  He shares his own heart, his own need for redemption, his own mistakes, and he seems to come alongside the readers rather than wagging a disappointed finger in our face and shaming us.  This itself made the book a treasure, making it feel like a discussion with an honored Christian mentor whose passion for God and His Word inspires and challenges you.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclaimer:   Heather King is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

 

 

Bible verses and a Prayer About Gentleness

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verses about gentleness

  • Deuteronomy 32:2 ESV
    May my teaching drop as the rain,
        my speech distill as the dew,
    like gentle rain upon the tender grass,
        and like showers upon the herb.
  • Psalm 18:35 ESV
    You have given me the shield of your salvation,
        and your right hand supported me,
        and your gentleness made me great.
  • Proverbs 15:1 ESV
    A soft answer turns away wrath,
        but a harsh word stirs up anger.
  • Proverbs 15:4 ESV
    A gentle tongue is a tree of life,
        but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
  • Isaiah 40:11 ESV
    He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
        he will gather the lambs in his arms;
    he will carry them in his bosom,
        and gently lead those that are with young.
  • Matthew 11:29-30 ESV
     Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
  • 2  Corinthians 10:1 ESV
    I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold toward you when I am away!—
  • Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
    But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
  • Galatians 6:1 ESV
    Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
  • Ephesians 4:2 ESV
    with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
  • Ephesians 4:15 ESV
    Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ
  • Philippians 4:5 NIV
    Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
  • 1 Thessalonians 2:7 ESV
    But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.
  • 1 Timothy 6:11 ESV
    But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.
  • 2 Timothy 2:24-25 ESV
     And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone,able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth
  • Titus 3:2 NIV
    to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.
  • Hebrews 5:1-2 ESV
    For every high priest chosen from among men is appointed to act on behalf of men in relation to God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins. 2 He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness.
  • James 3:17 ESV
    But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.
  • 1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV
    Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
  • 1 Peter 3:15 NIV
    But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect

prayergentleness

A Little Library Misunderstanding

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proverbs 19-11

It was a tiny bit of a library misunderstanding.

My son played quietly with the toy trains and the dinosaurs (who knew dinosaurs and toy trains went so well together?) so I sat quietly and read.

That’s when I heard two little girls nearby trip along into a conversation pit without realizing it.

They were only about three or four years old, sweet as can be, with ponytails and pink shoes.

Here’s the transcript of what they actually said:

Girl 1:  Can I play with you?

Girl 2:  (As she searches the Lego bin for the right block):  No, I’m playing Legos right now.  We can play later.

Girl 1 then pauses just as she was about to pull a chair up to the Lego table.  Her face reads surprise, then sadness and a little hurt.  She turns away and plays with the farm animals instead.

There were no tears and there was no conflict.  No one tattled or fought.  Each just went about doing her own little thing,  unaware of what the other little girl was truly thinking or feeling.

And, that’s the thing that gives me pause.  Neither of these girls really understood what the other one meant to say.  What each of them truly meant was:

Girl 1:  May I play Legos with you?

Girl 2:  Oh, sure!  I’m playing Legos right now and I’d love for you to join me.

But that’s not what happened.  Girl 1 was asking to join in the building fun.

Girl 2 thought she was being asked to stop her Lego building and go do something else with her little friend and by golly she was having a good old time making Lego animals right now.

Their conversation just missed a little.  It’s like they shot two arrows.  One went under the target and one went over the target, but no one hit the mark.

What resonates a bit with my heart today is when I’m offended or hurt and I let critical words sink deep into my soul,  what if I’m actually misunderstanding?

Sometimes people say hurtful things and they mean them.

Sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning it, but the pain is there just the same.

But sometimes people say things and we just miss.  We thought they meant one thing; they actually meant something else.

And we tote around that offense as a heavy burden, putting up walls of defensiveness in our relationships to protect us from future hurts.

Yes, they should be more careful.  What you say and how you say it matters.  Controlling our tongue and watching our words is a must.

What if we were slow to take offense, though?

I love the Amplified version of James 1:19:

Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]

At times the best thing we can do in a conversation is pause.

Taking time to respond rather than react can keep us from misunderstanding, from holding onto hurt, and from escalating conflict.

I have an email sitting in my inbox right now and I’ll be honest, I’m offended.  It is critical of me in ways I feel are unfair.  My defenses are up.

But I’m choosing to pause.

I’ve taken some time to ask, “God, is this true about me?” and I’ve waited and listened for the Holy Spirit’s truth.

I’ve considered whether I truly know this person’s intentions.  Probably they didn’t mean it this way.  It’s most likely, since I don’t know them very well, that I just don’t understand their humor or perspective.

I read over Proverbs 19:11:

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense (ESV).

and even Ecclesiastes 7:21-22:

Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others (ESV).

We live in an easily offended world.  People curse you for simple mistakes and seek vengeance for misunderstandings and accidents.

We are so often quick to anger and quick to speak, leaving behind the wreckage of broken relationships and the ache of loneliness.

I want instead to say little and to listen much.

Sometimes I fail.  I am easily bruised by the criticism of others.

And yet, when I filter the comments of others through the gauze of grace, I can grab hold of truth and let the rest go.  I can respond with more love than I was shown.

Pausing gives us time to choose humility and wisdom, grace and gentleness, and it helps us hit the mark instead of missing and messing up.