The one Valentine you really need

February 13, 2015Leave a comment

psalm 45 My fourth grade daughter tells me the news while we chatted about Valentine’s Day in the school cafeteria. Some of the kids in her class are dating.

I leaned across the table to make sure I heard correctly. I’d come for a casual lunch at the school, just some ‘us’ time for me and my girl.

I didn’t expect to have a panic attack with my bottle of water.

“Dating?” I ask, hoping I misheard.

“Yeah…..seems like lots of them are dating each other. One boy gave his girlfriend a necklace already. Another couple kissed. On the lips. The girls who are dating are excited to see what they get on Valentine’s Day this year.”

So it begins. Boys and girls already coupling up. Girls wait expectantly for the special Valentine from their fourth grade suitor, for whom dating probably means little more at this point than playground silliness, passed notes, and an occasional gift ( I hope).

No more box of 20+ Valentine’s that you sign, tear along the perforated line, and then hand out to all the classmates saying things like “U Rock” and “U R Sweet.” These girls are looking to feel special. They want chocolate or a flower and a hand-picked card.

I don’t even launch into my normal ‘save yourself, guard your heart, focus on God….” lecture with my daughter. She’s heard it before.

But I want to tell her something more.

I want to tell her that without childhood flirtations and the first ‘real’ Valentines,’ long before anyone has kissed her on the lips or asked for that first date, she’s already being passionately pursued by a God who is crazy about her.

There’s something about pursuit, something about being chosen and treated special, that fills deep cavernous holes in a woman’s heart.

In her book Captivating, Stasi Eldredge says:

“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”

These fourth graders are just stepping into that world of pursuit and wooing and sorting through what it means to be worth noticing, worth waiting for, worth sacrificing for, worth fighting for….just worthy.

And my girls need to know they are all that already.

We all need to know that.

So that when the world beats us down with reminders of standards we can’t meet and the girl next door makes us feel ugly and clumsy with her model-like beauty and when we’re run-down from dishes and laundry and carpools and mess . . .we still feel that message deep down.

Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord (Psalm 45:11)

You are captivating.

Covered in your toddler’s breakfast and frantic from putting your kids on the school bus?

You are loved.

Exhausted from the day and crashing on the sofa by 9 hoping that no one asks you for one more thing?

Deeply and truly loved.

Not only that, God pursues you. That is always part of our Great Romance.

Stasi Eldredge reminds us that:

“The story of your life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of your heart by the One who knows you best and loves you most”

God doesn’t have to romance or woo us. He could remain distant and unmoved, disappointed and disciplinary.

Yet, He bends low and tenderly calls. He watches as we trample after worldly enticements and search for worth in achievement, in status, in relationships, in looks, in Valentines and chocolate, and then He calls us back to Him time after time…..to the place where we are loved not because of what we do but because of what HE has done.

Like Hosea relentlessly chasing after his wife, the wayward Gomer, so God says:

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.

God Himself laid aside the glories of heaven to walk among us, to live for us, to die for us, and to make a way for us to spend eternity with Him.

That’s love. That’s pursuit in the most wildly passionate and extravagant way, more than any bouquet of flowers or Hallmark card.

Heather King is a wife, mom, Bible Study teacher, writer and worship leader. Most importantly, she is a Christ follower with a desire to help others apply the Bible to everyday life with all its mess, noise, and busyness. Her book, Ask Me Anything, Lord: Opening Our Hearts to God’s Questions, is available now! To read more devotionals by Heather King, click here.

Praying with a Penny Cup

February 11, 2015February 10, 20152 Comments

penny cup The penny plinked into the cup and I walked away.

It was such a simple thing. The penny pressed into the palm of my hand and then a quick release, a letting go, and I was done.

Before my penny cup, I thought that I was just persevering in prayer like Jesus told His disciples to do in Luke 18.

There was the widow who came before the unfair judge day after day to demand justice, and finally he gave in because he was annoyed and tired of hearing her complain about it.

There was the neighbor awakened in the middle of the night by obnoxious and persistent knocking at his front door. He finally opened up the door and stood there in his pajamas listening to his neighbor’s plight—an unexpected guest, no bread in the house, could he share? Yes! Take it! Take anything as long as you stop that knocking, knocking, knocking so I can get some sleep already.

So, Jesus tells us, if an unrighteous judge and a sleep-deprived neighbor gave into requests just because of tenacity, wouldn’t God who loves us respond when we pray and pray and pray and don’t give up praying?

Don’t stop praying. Even when you’re weary and exhausted and hopeless and think it doesn’t do a bit of good, keep pushing and pushing on in prayer.

But my idea of persevering in prayer wasn’t really prayer any more. It was more like fretting in front of God’s throne and worrying about a problem before a divine audience.

All night long, I mentally paced in prayer: Lord, here’s my problem and here’s what I need You to do to fix it.

I plead and argued and orated and then when I’d run out of things to say, I started all over again.

Hour after hour ticked by on my bedside clock and still I continued.

God loves when we pray. We can bring anything and everything to Him in prayer and He never tires of hearing us and never turns us away.

But I never released my need to Him. I was talking at Him without ever letting go or pausing for even a second to listen or be still.

I was wallowing in anxiety and putting a holy ‘stamp of approval’ on it by calling it prayer.

John wrote:

Now this is the confidence we have before Him: Whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. ¹⁵And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for (1 JOhn 5:14-15 HCSB).

I was praying as if He couldn’t hear me.

….as if my will mattered more than His will.

….as if only my solution to the problem was acceptable.

….as if He wasn’t sovereign or compassionate—wasn’t able or didn’t care to rescue me.

… as if He was against me instead of for me. 1 john 5

It was a prayer of unbelief.

Then, I read the idea in a discipleship magazine: a penny cup.

It’s not the cup that mattered or even the penny. Writing a prayer on a slip of paper and slipping it into a prayer box would do just as well.

What matters is a physical reminder to release my white-knuckled grip on my problem and give it over to the God who loves me so.

Every time I found a wayward penny on a dresser or on the floor, I picked it up and prayed with a quick whisper, “Lord, please take care of this need. I trust You to deliver me.” Then I released the prayer to Him as I dropped the coin into my penny cup.

I didn’t tell Him how to fix the problem. I didn’t wrestle with Him for hours every night over the need.

I prayed day in and day out (you’d be surprised how many pennies you find when they become part of your prayer life), but always I gave the problem to Him instead of holding onto it myself.

When the penny cup filled to the brim, I poured out the coins and started again. For years, I prayed about this one issue, giving it over to God one…..penny….. at….. a….. time.

For the first time, I really prayed. I didn’t fret and argue and run endless circles of desperate pleading around God.

I persisted in prayer by expressing my need while leaving the solution in His hands.

And God rescued me. Not in the way I expected. Not in the timing I expected. Not without hardship and hurting or obedience or faith in the hard places. But the deliverance was miraculous and beautiful and perfect in the way only God’s deliverance can be.

12 Bible Verses on God’s Love for Us

February 9, 2015Leave a comment

Psalm 86:15 (NIV)
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Psalm 103:8 NIV
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
Psalm 136:1 NIV
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Jeremiah 31:3 NIV
The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”
Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.
John 3:16 NIV
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 5:8 NIV
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 8:37-39 NASB
Photo by just2shutter; 123rf.com

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
1 John 4:9-11 NIV
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:16 (NLT)
We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.

What a Letdown

February 6, 2015Leave a comment

My toddler and I have daily disagreements about what he needs.

I say he needs a nap. He thinks he needs unlimited playtime.

I say he needs healthy food, like the banana I sliced up on his highchair tray. He thinks he needs the cookie hidden at the top of the snack cabinet.

I say he needs a diaper change. He feels the need to scream at the top of his lungs, contort his body, writhe and wriggle to avoid being cleaned up.

After I win that battle and clean his little bottom, I say he needs a new diaper on. He runs away giggling because he thinks he needs to hang out in the nude.

I say he needs to come out of the bath when the water is cold and his fingers are wrinkling like prunes. He says he needs to stay in the bath. Period. Like, forever.

Momma says he needs to play with his books, his blocks, and his toy trucks. He thinks he needs to play with my smartphone.

I say he needs to color with the crayons on paper. He disagrees, believing he needs to color with the crayons on our books and then eat the crayon.

I tell him he needs to pet the cat gently or not at all. He thinks he needs to jump on the cat, pull the cat’s tail, sit on the cat and then stretch out with his whole body covering the cat and ignore the hissing and growling.

I know what he needs in order for him to be healthy, well-fed, well-rested, clean, and safe.

Yet, if I gave him what he thought that he needed, he’d be naked and starving, covered in his own feces, utterly exhausted and mauled to pieces by an irritated feline.

Perhaps part of growing up is learning what we really need.

Or perhaps we never truly learn.

After all, don’t I sometimes pray for what I need and discover through temporary disappointment and ultimate awe that God knew better? His “no,” though painful in the moment, becomes my salvation.

God loves us enough to give us what we really need rather than what we’ve mistakenly asked for.

Four men carried their paralyzed friend on a cot to see Jesus. They tried to shove through the mob that was packed into the house, but they failed.

So, they climbed onto the roof, hauled the stretcher up there, broke down the thatch, and lowered their friend into the middle of the room.

They pushed and pushed and pushed through every obstacle so their friend could have what he ‘needed.’

Mark writes:

And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven” (Mark 2:5 ESV).

Forgiveness?

Is this what they wanted?

In his book, The One-Year Experiencing God’s Presence Devotional, Chris Tiegreen writes:

Clearly they came for one thing: healing. They wanted their friend to walk. He wanted to walk. A miracle was all they had on their minds. So a declaration of forgiveness, while a nice spiritual touch, might have been a letdown.

Let down.

Is that how we feel when we come looking for the miracle, and He heals our heart instead?

So often we come to God with the practical need and the specific requests, telling Him our problems and sometimes even telling Him how to fix them.

His desire, though, isn’t just for our best; it’s for our spiritual best. It’s to break down every obstacle to His presence and cut through every barrier to intimacy with Him.

We ask to walk.

He grants forgiveness first.

That man stood up off that mat and walked out of the house with his friends. His physical need was met. But more importantly, Jesus answered his true spiritual need first.

And, what do any of us really need?

A better job? A healed marriage? An end to conflict? A bigger house? A good doctor’s report?

Yes. Maybe.

But more than that…..we need mercy. We need grace. We need His Presence. We need hope. We need forgiveness.

When we seek Him, truly seek Him, searching for His face, listening for His voice, longing to know Him and to talk with Him, He gives us what we really need.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33 ESV).

Lord, what I really need is You.

Heather King is a wife, mom, Bible Study teacher, writer and worship leader. Most importantly, she is a Christ follower with a desire to help others apply the Bible to everyday life with all its mess, noise, and busyness. Her upcoming book, Ask Me Anything, Lord: Opening Our Hearts to God’s Questions, is available now! To read more devotionals by Heather King, click here.

Come Messy

February 4, 2015February 4, 20151 Comment

My son slipped the yogurt out of the fridge while I was packing school lunches for my daughters.

He carried it delicately over to the living room coffee table. Then he shoved his hand down through the foil lid and started eating it.

With his fingers.

When I caught him with his snack, he popped his hands up to the top of his head, covering his light fuzz of hair in vanilla yogurt.

Bath time!

He eats with his hands. He plays with his food. He dumps out any drinking cups we leave lying around and then splashes in the mess.

He has a magnet for the cat food and would love to lay down in the litter box and act like it’s a day at the beach.

In the morning, he makes a mess of breakfast and makes a mess of playing.

Then he hears that first hint of sound from behind the closed door of our bedroom. It’s his clue—Dad is awake and getting ready for work!

My baby boy runs to the door and stands crying until we open it up so he can throw himself against Daddy’s legs. For the rest of the morning routine, Daddy has to brush his teeth one-handed and eat his breakfast with a toddler on his lap, and shift the toddler from hip to hip while he puts on his coat.

Daddy is here. My son will not let him go, not until we pry his hands and body away and Mom holds him tight as he cries and watches Daddy head out the door.

Usually, we’re in a mad scramble to wash my little one’s hands before he snags onto Dad’s pants leg in the morning and refuses to let go. After all, Dad hardly wants to head to work with vanilla yogurt and banana all over himself.

But I read through this verse again this week:

but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14 ESV).

We’ve heard it a million times and I’ve heard the sermon illustrations before.

Come to Jesus like a little child:

Come trusting.

Come simple.

Come excited.

Come small and insignificant.

Come unhindered.

And it’s true. All of it.

Jesus welcomes us just as we are. He invites us! He’s pleased to see us and pleased to spend time with us.

photo courtesy of Viktor Janacek, picjumbo

But there’s something more, I realize, as I wipe my son’s face and hands yet again this morning.

Come messy.

Too often we’re frantically scrubbing ourselves up before we let Jesus see us.

We think our prayers have to be ‘just right.’ We think our Bible time has to be ‘just so.’

We put off spending time with Him because we haven’t gotten it all together.

But the easiest way for Satan to defeat our prayer lives is to tell us prayer has to be hard and that we’re not good enough, so why bother even trying?

Maybe we think that’s in Scripture somewhere: “Come to Me when you have it all together and know how to pray for 30 minutes and haven’t lost your temper in a week and have had a 20-minute quiet time at 5 a.m.”

But that’s not what Jesus says at all.

He says to come as a child.

He also says:

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 NASB).

In A Praying Life, Paul Miller writes:

“The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with Life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.“

We don’t have to pretend in His presence. We don’t have to be something we aren’t. We don’t have to be perfect.

When we’re a mess and when we’ve messed up, just come. Come without guile. Be real and honest. No need to clean up and make ourselves sound “holy.”

Just. Come.

If I Put a Spoon Under My Pillow, Will It Snow?

January 30, 2015January 29, 2015Leave a comment

“This is it.”

My kids are desperate for snow. More specifically, they are desperate for a snow day.

Apparently, so are their teachers.

In early January, the tiniest picture of a snowflake appeared on my weather forecast. The details said wintry mix overnight, no accumulation, yada yada yada, blah blah blah.

My kindergartner arrived home from school that day with specific instructions from her teachers.

Place a spoon under your pillow.

Wear your pajamas inside out.

Flush an ice cube down the toilet.

Her older sister calls out, “And do a snow dance! You have to do the snow dance.”

It was simple math to them. Do this + this +this + this = guaranteed snow day.

It did not snow.

This week, snow was again in the forecast. My Facebook filled with chatter and pictures of weather maps all foretelling the great snowstorm of 2015.

It snow-dusted, just enough to turn the world a little white. Not enough to cover the grass even. Not enough to delay anything, much less close it down.

I don’t mind really. I enjoy snow well enough, but only when it’s outside and I’m inside with a book and a cup of cocoa.

But my kids mind. A lot. They are Virginia girls, desperate for at least a few sizable snowfalls a season.

Every single time there is a whisper of a snowflake or two falling in the night, our town is abuzz, the Wal-Mart shelves clear out of milk and bread, and my children brace themselves for a real and true snow day.

“This is it.” That’s what they think.

Maybe Joseph felt the same way.

All those years, he waited and waited, holding on perhaps to a distant memory of those visions from God of his family bowing down to him.

He waited in a pit while his brothers plotted his death, and then settled for selling him into slavery.

He waited as an Egyptian slave, working faithfully and with integrity for his master.

He waited when he was falsely accused and thrown into an Egyptian jail.

So many times, he might have thought, “This is it. This is my big moment of rescue and redemption!!”

But it wasn’t.

There was the night in the Egyptian prison when Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker came to Joseph with dreams they couldn’t understand. Joseph interpreted the dreams, but then asked for help, saying to the cupbearer:

But when all goes well for you, remember that I was with you. Please show kindness to me by mentioning me to Pharaoh, and get me out of this prison. ¹⁵For I was kidnapped from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing that they should put me in the dungeon (Genesis 40:14-15 HCSB).”

This is it.

That’s what Joseph thought. “Here’s my chance!”

Then the cupbearer forgot about Joseph for another two years.

Waiting is hard enough. But getting your hopes up and then discovering disappointment, is even harder.

Joseph could have given up. Maybe he did.

Years later, though, that cupbearer finally did remember Joseph. And, perhaps when Joseph least expected it, God came through.

In God’s perfect timing. In God’s perfect way. God came through.

Had the cupbearer remembered Joseph years before like he had promised, Joseph might have made it out of prison. Maybe. Perhaps. We’re not really sure. Pharaoh could have just dismissed the cupbearer’s story as little more than a novelty.

But in this precise moment, the Pharaoh needed someone to interpret his dream, and Joseph was the one to do it.

Interpreting that cupbearer’s dream had seemed like a wasted opportunity, yet years later that is what God used to rescue Joseph from prison.

What we do today might not seem to matter, but God doesn’t waste our faithfulness.

His timing is precise and perfect, even when it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, even when disappointment presses in, and even when the waiting feels like it can collapse your heart.

We can’t place our hope in circumstances or people like a forgetful cupbearer.

We can’t always decipher God’s plans and predict when “this” really is it.

We can’t make it snow despite all of our snow dances and inside-out-pajamas.

We can, however, live God-glorifying lives day-in and day-out, being faithful even to the most mundane tasks that earn us no worldly recognition or honor.

Our hope, after all, isn’t in circumstances or people or ‘connections’ or our own abilities. They will take us on an endless emotional roller-coaster of misplaced expectations and inevitable disappointment.

Our hope, though, can be rock solid, unshakeable and steadfast when we place it in Him and Him alone.

“Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him” (Psalm 62:5 HCSB).

Why won’t anyone sit in the back of the minivan?

January 28, 2015January 28, 20154 Comments

The middle seat in our minivan is prime vehicular real estate.

My daughters make mad dashes to the minivan in order to hop in that prize seat first. No one, after all, wants to sit in the back.

And, nothing gets these girls ready to rumble like one sister hogging middle seat privileges. They have some sort of tracking sense, a radar for what’s “fair” or “unfair.”

Their memory tangles up with rhetoric. I don’t think they really keep accurate records of seating assignments every time we drive in the minivan, but somehow they sound like they are testifying in a court of law:

“I have not gotten to ride in the middle seat for one whole week! You have had 6 turns more than me and now you cannot sit in the middle seat again until I have gotten to sit there 6 times.”

There are tears and the occasional meltdown. Sister pits herself against sister. They take sides and form alliances to gang up on the offending sibling and rain down minivan justice.

Let’s be honest. It’s a whole ugly mess sometimes.

And maybe the ugly comes out in us some days, too, as we fearfully try to scramble into the ‘best place’ or grab our own chance at God’s favor and blessing.

I’m not exactly sure how Abraham did it, but I want to learn from him how to stop fretting over my position and start rejoicing in my relationship with Christ.

He and his nephew Lot stood high enough to overlook the land. Their employees had been fighting. Abraham and Lot were both too wealthy to travel together any longer. They needed separate space and well-defined territory.

So, there they stood, preparing to divvy it all up: “This is mine. That is yours.”

Abraham let Lot choose first.

Maybe I’d be a mess of worries and desperation in that moment, wanting to protect my blessing, hope, and future. I’d probably be praying under my breath: “Please don’t choose the best spot. Please don’t choose the best spot.”

Or, at the most, I’d offer to flip a coin to make the whole process more fair.

But Abraham trusted.

Abraham knew that nothing Lot did in that moment could hinder, interrupt or destroy God’s perfect plan for his life.

He didn’t have to push or shove his way to the front of any line. He didn’t have to fight or rumble in order to stake out prime territory. He didn’t grab for the ‘biggest slice of the pie’ or scramble ahead of everyone to try to ‘get the best seat.’

Maybe we’re worried about that sometimes. We see the blessings of God as if there’s a limited supply. If He blesses her, then that leaves less blessing for me.

Or maybe this world seems like such a noisy place and social media has only turned up the volume. Sometimes it feels like we need to shout in order to be heard.

But I want to be Abraham.

I want to trust God enough not to fret or worry over territorial choices or the fear that someone will end up with a better plot of land or a greater blessing.

I want to be able to extend my hand and say, “You first…..”

I want to stop pushing and striving to get ahead and simply trust God to take me where He wants me to go.

Lot chose the best looking land, of course. He snatched up the prime real estate in a selfish effort to look out for himself.

He couldn’t see the corruption and enmity and culture of sin that ruled the land he was choosing: Sodom and Gomorrah.

Sometimes, the blessing we’re so sure we want is the worst possible future God could give us.

He sees. He knows. He loves us. Sometimes loving us means telling us “no” in the moment.

We can trust Him.

Instead, the Psalmist said,

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me (Psalm 18:19 NIV).

When we trust Him, He delights in us indeed.

When we choose humility over pride, He sees and takes joy.

He will bring us to that spacious place, and it will be perfect, just right, hand-picked and God-designed for you.

12 Bible Verses and a Prayer for When You Need to be Refreshed

January 26, 2015February 23, 201619 Comments

Psalm 19:7 NIV
The law of the Lord is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
Psalm 23:1-3 NIV
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Psalm 68:9 NIV
You gave abundant showers, O God;
you refreshed your weary inheritance.
Proverbs 11:25 NIV
A generous person will prosper;
whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.
Jeremiah 31:25 NIV
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”
Acts 3:19 NIV
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,
Romans 15:32 NIV
so that I may come to you with joy, by God’s will, and in your company be refreshed.
1 Corinthians 16:18 NIV
For they refreshed my spirit and yours also. Such men deserve recognition.
2 Corinthians 7:13 NIV
By all this we are encouraged.In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you.
2 Timothy 1:16
May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.
Philemon 1:7 NIV
Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.
Philemon 1:20 NIV
I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.

Dear Daughter, Remember That Nightmare About Divorce?

January 23, 2015January 22, 20158 Comments

Dear daughter,

Remember that morning when I found you slipping quietly out of the bathroom into a corner of the house all alone?

I stopped that mad rush of cereal pouring, hair brushing, and shoe finding to smooth down your wild morning hair and ask if you were okay.

Those tears, the loud kind that burst uncontrollably out of your soul, they shook your whole body and I couldn’t understand what you were saying because those words stuck right in your throat.

A nightmare.

I rocked you just as if you were still my baby girl (even if your head touches my shoulders now).

What was it about?

I expect monsters, fire, death or even a bad grade on a test.

But you tell me one….slow….word….at a time: I dreamed you…..and……dad……got……divorced.

You stun me. We hadn’t fought. There was no tension in the home. No need to fear.

Hadn’t you watched us hug and kiss goodbye every morning? Hadn’t you seen me stop cooking that dinner and setting that table every evening to hug your dad and welcome him home for the night?

Why are you afraid?

But it wasn’t really about us at all. It’s about a scary world where marriages don’t often last and your friends split their time between dad’s house and mom’s house. It’s about a friend telling you, “My dad doesn’t love my mom anymore. He doesn’t love any of us.”

Even the safe place seems like shaky ground.

I tell you the truth.

How we are happily married and being together even now is joy.

I tell you how seriously we take that vow we made when we said, “I will love you forever” and slipped those rings onto our fingers.

Sure, we meant romance love and feeling love, but we also meant committed love, covenant love, I-will-make-our-marriage-a-priority love.

Divorce smashes the lives of good people, Christian people, godly women and honorable men. It’s real and ugly and I don’t want to sugarcoat the danger.

Sometimes even the best wife who has done everything right walks that hard road of aloneness and betrayal.

But I want you to know this, too. There were decisions I made as a teenage girl, as a single young woman, that made this marriage I have beautiful–not perfect perhaps, but lovely—from the start.

I want you to hear this wisdom: sometimes a good marriage starts when you’re 13 and that first boy asks you to the school dance. Remember this:

1. Do what God has called you to do—Don’t worry about boys, love, dating, or marriage. Focus on Jesus. Grow beautiful and strong in Him. Go to the college that’s right for you, not the one a boyfriend attends. Fulfill your calling and your potential. Don’t look for love; let God bring it to you.

2. Wait for God’s best—That first boy who asks you out isn’t necessarily “the one.” You are beautiful, smart, funny, strong, kind….Boys might swarm around you; don’t be swayed. I saved myself body, soul, and mind for the one man who was God’s best for me and your dad is totally worth it.

3. Make sure He’s in love with Jesus—Attending church twice a year, saying you love God but couldn’t be bothered with discipleship or Bible-reading or Christian service? That’s not loving Jesus. That’s calling yourself a Christian without the fruit. If you want to respect your husband as a spiritual leader, he needs to show that leadership before the wedding day.

4. Fall in love with your eyes wide open—You won’t find a perfect man. No person is perfect and no marriage is perfect either. Know what his flaws are in advance and be committed with a plan to love him, not change him.

5. Ask hard questions–Some couples marry without talking about kids, career plans, church, or money. Ask the hard questions before marriage. Don’t just shrug your shoulders and figure love will carry all. Love dies on battlefields like those all the time.

6. Give and Receive Respect–If he annoys you with stupid jokes, doesn’t understand or care about what you have to say, can’t hold a job, loses his temper easily, or embarrasses you in public now, he sure will later. Marry someone it’s easy to respect and be proud of. And, make sure he treats you as the precious gift from God that you are, valuing your opinion, not dominating you or devaluing you. Paul wrote to “Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10 ESV). Make that your goal because kindness always matters. It matters when you’re dating, when you’re first married, and when you’ve been married 20 years. Give respect and kindness; expect respect and kindness

7. Build the friendship–That friendship you develop before marriage is what you should cultivate every year after “I do.” So when the kids are grown and gone, the freshness of young love fades, and your body ages and changes, you’ll still be best friends.

Marriage can be beautiful and holy, a sacred place where God transforms us to be more like Christ, where joy grows, selfless and sacrificial love blooms, and you help each other produce fruit as individuals and as one together.

This was my prayer for my own marriage on my wedding day. This is what I pray for you even now:

For because of our faith, he has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to actually becoming all that God has had in mind for us to be (Romans 5:2 The Living Bible).

Love,
Mom.

14 Days of Prayer for Your Marriage with 1 Corinthians 13 (plus a Free Printable!)

January 21, 2015February 2, 20184 Comments

When I was a girl earning my badges in the kids’ program in my home church, I had to memorize the whole chapter of 1 Corinthians 13 in the King James Version.

It’s stuck. I can still rattle off bunches of it.

But I hope it really stuck…you know? Not the rote memorization, but the revelation of what love is. God loves us this way. And He says even if we’re performing the most outrageous acts of self-sacrifice and service and we’re not doing it out of love, then it’s just meaningless drivel.

So, I’m praying for the next two weeks through this “Love Chapter” for my marriage because I want it to be meaning-full and I want it to reflect God’s love to the world around us. Perhaps you will be praying for your own marriage, too?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:4-8 NIV).

Day One, Love is Patient:

Lord, today let us respond with patience and show each other grace. We know that no one changes over night and none of us is perfect. We make mistakes. We forget, we grow careless, and we become distracted by life and stress. Please let us be patient with each other, with our marriage, with our circumstances, just as you are so patient with us. Help us not to push, nudge, or give up on each other, but instead may we give each other room and grace to grow more like You.

Day Two, Love is Kind:

God, it’s too easy to forget the simple beauty of kindness. We can neglect courtesy and consideration. Help us to be thoughtful and kind to one another, showing each other respect and attention in our words and deeds. Stir our hearts to remember the small things like holding doors, making phone calls, performing acts of service, putting the other’s needs above our own. As it says in Ephesians 4:32, may we “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave You.”

Day Three, Love Does Not Envy:

Lord, As it says in The Message, “Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.” Let this be true of us. Help us appreciate the gift you’ve given us in this marriage and in each other and cultivate contentment and gratitude in our hearts. We don’t need to compare our spouse or our marriage to anyone else’s. Instead, thank You for the marriage You’ve given us. Please remind us throughout the day of all the reasons we fell in love in the first place.

Day Four, It does not Boast, it is not Proud:

Jesus, at that Last Supper with Your disciples, You bent so low and You poured that water over their grimy feet. You, Our Savior, came “not to be served, but to serve” (Matthew 20:28). May we never be too proud to serve one another in the humblest of ways. We might think, “That’s his responsibility; that’s her job.” In our selfishness, we might feel like we’ve given so much already and how could we give any more? But we bend low today. We lay down our rights and our pride and choose to serve our spouse just as You served us.

Day Five, It does not dishonor others:

God, may we show each other honor in all we do and say. Guard our mouths. May our words be used to encourage, praise, and build one another up, not tear each other down, find fault, or trample all over each other’s feelings. When we’re with others, don’t let us fall into those traps of complaining about marriage or our spouses, but instead let the way we talk about one another help others to know the beauty of marriage the way You designed it.

Day Six, It is Not Self-Seeking:

Father, we live in a “me first” world. We’re told to “look out for number one” and to take care of ourselves above all. But that is not Your way. Jesus “made himself nothing” and humbled himself, choosing “even death on a cross” for us—for me (Philippians 2:6-8). Today, let us choose Your way over the world’s way: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

Day Seven, It is Not Easily Angered:

God, forgive me for the times I’ve reacted in anger instead of responding with grace. And so often, too often really, we can make the smallest issues into the biggest deals. Help me not to be easily angered. Today, may we overlook petty offenses and minor bothers. Redirect our vision to focus on what is good rather than what we think is wrong. Remind us of what is important and learn to let the inessentials pass by unnoticed.

Day Eight, It Keeps No Record of Wrongs:

Lord, if You kept a record of all my sins, I couldn’t stand up under the weight of them all. I’d be buried in accusations and proof of my failures. But You show grace. May we likewise extend grace to each other, as it says in 1 Peter: “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love coves a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). If we excel at anything in this marriage, may it be at forgiveness. When Satan tries to drag all that trash up from the past, we ask that You help us choose forgiveness instead, choose to let it go, choose to move toward one another instead of apart, choose to rebuild trust, choose moving on.

Day Nine, Love Does Not Delight In Evil, but Rejoices With the Truth:

God, help us rejoice with our spouse when they rejoice and mourn when they mourn. Let us be a place of refuge and safety for them when they share their struggles, fears, emotions, hopes and dreams. Help us to “have each other’s back” all the time and to be such a team that we delight and take pleasure in what is good and true and battle together against what is evil and wrong.

Day Ten, Love Bears All Things (ESV, NKJV):

Lord, we are so thankful that when there are burdens to bear, You’ve called us to bear them together. As it says in Your Word, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NLT). May we bear all things together. May we carry each other to the cross and help each other each day. If one of us is weak, may the other be strong in You.

Day Eleven, Always trusts:

God, build trust in our marriage. Create that environment of honesty and truth. But more than that, may we always trust You to care for us and to guide us. We know that start to finish, this marriage, our lives, our family is in Your hands. We know You are trustworthy, so faithful and full of merciful, loyal love for us. We pray that our home and our marriage reflect that to those around us.

Day Twelve, Always hopes:

Lord, we don’t want to ever lose hope. We know that You have a plan and a future for us as individuals and as a couple, and we thank You for that. Thank You that You never give up on us and we pray that we never give up on each other. Each morning, let us wake with hope for a new day, for fresh starts, and for the work that You want to do in us.

Day Thirteen, Always Perseveres

God, remind us during the hard days, when we’re hurt or angry, tired, frustrated, or broken, that You are with us. Help us to persevere through every season of difficulty. Draw us together during those times instead of letting circumstances drive us apart. Where there is distance, bring intimacy. Where there is bitterness, bring reconciliation. Where there is coldness, bring passion. Where there is pain, bring healing.

Day Fourteen, Love Never Fails

Father, Your love for us doesn’t fail. You just never give up on us. Thank You for that unfathomable and astonishing love when we are so unworthy. We pray that our marriage will grow ever more beautiful each day, not fading, not failing. In every single season, we pray that You will help our relationship thrive. Teach us how to avoid the pitfalls in communication, in intimacy, in finances, in conflict, in friendship, in parenting and in every way so that we will always be putting on love, which binds every other virtue together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:14).

In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Will you join me in praying for your marriage for 14 days? If you would like a printout of these prayers to place in Your Bible or journal or maybe on your fridge or bathroom mirror, you canclick here for the free printable!

If you’d like to see the 12 Verses I pray for my husband, you can click here!

Originally posted MAY 2, 2014

Heather C. King – Room to Breathe

"He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul" Psalm 62:1-2 (MSG).

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14 Days of Prayer for Your Marriage with 1 Corinthians 13 (plus a Free Printable!)

Will you join me in praying for your marriage for 14 days? If you would like a printout of these prayers to place in Your Bible or journal or maybe on your fridge or bathroom mirror, you canclick here for the free printable!

If you’d like to see the 12 Verses I pray for my husband, you can click here!

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

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My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

Will you join me in praying for your marriage for 14 days? If you would like a printout of these prayers to place in Your Bible or journal or maybe on your fridge or bathroom mirror, you canclick here for the free printable!

My devotional for today: