Praying What You Really Don’t Want to Pray

February 20, 2015January 4, 20161 Comment

Afraid.

Sometimes I’m afraid to pray those ‘dangerous’ prayers even when I know deep-down that’s what I should pray for.

But it’s like giving God permission to interrupt my life, letting Him move on into my heart and mind with cleaning supplies and uncover all the dirt I’ve hidden away.

So, I sat there holding the prayer card, debating whether to write the truth down.

I’ve been making these prayer cards for my family, friends and others I pray for. I have a card for my husband, for each of my children, one for the unsaved, one for church and another for Bible study, and a card for me.

The cards are growing over time. I scribble down my requests for my kids and then the next day I find the perfect verse to pray, so I jot it down on the back of this 3 x 5 white index card with a Sharpie marker.

I’m not writing the little requests that change day-to-day: a fever, a bruise, a big math test.

These are the prayers about character and life, big decisions,using their gifts for God’s glory, spiritual growth and their future.

For each child, I know what I need to pray. One needs to grow in forgiveness. Another in self-discipline and overcoming fear. Another in being teachable and accepting grace.

But I pause, my hand hovering over the card.

Do I write down’forgiveness?’ What if God allows my daughter to be hurt because of my prayer? What if He allows pain so deep that she has to fight through bitterness to choose to forgive?

What about “teachable?” Do I dare write that down? What if God humbles my daughter through excruciating failure, brokenness, and the lessons of humility?

We Christians have joked about it so often, “Don’t pray for patience!!!” That’s what we remind each other and then we laugh in agreement because, truth is, God has taught us all some of those painful lessons in patience.

And we didn’t like them.

So, we’re afraid to pray.

Yes, I am afraid to pray, too.

I know why. It’s a trust thing. I’m not believing the best about God.

The truth is that God won’t bruise or break if a gentle lesson, a sweet whisper could change our hearts.

He never answers our prayers for patience with trials just because He’s mean like that. Or He likes to hurt us. Or He can’t come up with another way to teach us.

If I pray for my daughters to grow in these areas, I can trust Him to teach them in the best way, the perfect lessons at the perfect timing, and if their hearts are yielded and moldable clay, He’ll use the gentlest touch to fix the imperfections He finds.

And the truth is that if it’s breaking we need, He’ll allow the brokenness so that He can reshape us and form us into something beautiful: into the image of His Son.

But even then, I can trust His hand. I can trust His love for us and the grace He pours out and the way He never gives up.

As I read in Genesis, I think how Jacob must have been so afraid. I recognize it now as I look at him: one fear-filled human looking into the heart of another fear-filled human.

Jacob lost his son Joseph. So, when his remaining sons trekked off to Egypt for food during an intense famine, he had one demand: They had to leave his youngest son, Benjamin, behind. He couldn’t lose another son. Not ever again.

It seemed to work at first. The boys brought home grain from Egypt and the youngest son stayed home.

But the food ran out again and Joseph had made it clear—-no younger brother in Egypt, no more food.

Jacob either needed to trust God or his whole family would starve.

And God let Jacob reach the very end of all his resources so that Jacob would finally let go of control and send all his sons back to Egypt, Benjamin included (Genesis 43).

This was God at work.

Jacob was terrified, but God was in this. He was working for the reconciliation of Jacob’s family and the preservation of the entire nation of Israel.

But as long as Jacob held on tight to control, not wanting the possibility of pain, he missed out on God’s best.

We can trust God with our hearts, with our lives, with our children, with our marriages. We can trust Him with all of it.

So, I write down those prayer requests on the prayer cards and I entrust my children to His care. I tell Him that I’m afraid. I tell Him the truth about what’s in my heart.

But I trust Him and I let go.

Want to learn how to pray with prayer cards? I first read about them in Paul Miller’s book, A Praying Life.

Heather King is a wife, mom, Bible Study teacher, writer and worship leader. Most importantly, she is a Christ follower with a desire to help others apply the Bible to everyday life with all its mess, noise, and busyness. Her upcoming book, Ask Me Anything, Lord: Opening Our Hearts to God’s Questions, is available now! To read more devotionals by Heather King, click here.

Dear Daughter, Remember That Nightmare About Divorce?

January 23, 2015January 22, 20158 Comments

Dear daughter,

Remember that morning when I found you slipping quietly out of the bathroom into a corner of the house all alone?

I stopped that mad rush of cereal pouring, hair brushing, and shoe finding to smooth down your wild morning hair and ask if you were okay.

Those tears, the loud kind that burst uncontrollably out of your soul, they shook your whole body and I couldn’t understand what you were saying because those words stuck right in your throat.

A nightmare.

I rocked you just as if you were still my baby girl (even if your head touches my shoulders now).

What was it about?

I expect monsters, fire, death or even a bad grade on a test.

But you tell me one….slow….word….at a time: I dreamed you…..and……dad……got……divorced.

You stun me. We hadn’t fought. There was no tension in the home. No need to fear.

Hadn’t you watched us hug and kiss goodbye every morning? Hadn’t you seen me stop cooking that dinner and setting that table every evening to hug your dad and welcome him home for the night?

Why are you afraid?

But it wasn’t really about us at all. It’s about a scary world where marriages don’t often last and your friends split their time between dad’s house and mom’s house. It’s about a friend telling you, “My dad doesn’t love my mom anymore. He doesn’t love any of us.”

Even the safe place seems like shaky ground.

I tell you the truth.

How we are happily married and being together even now is joy.

I tell you how seriously we take that vow we made when we said, “I will love you forever” and slipped those rings onto our fingers.

Sure, we meant romance love and feeling love, but we also meant committed love, covenant love, I-will-make-our-marriage-a-priority love.

Divorce smashes the lives of good people, Christian people, godly women and honorable men. It’s real and ugly and I don’t want to sugarcoat the danger.

Sometimes even the best wife who has done everything right walks that hard road of aloneness and betrayal.

But I want you to know this, too. There were decisions I made as a teenage girl, as a single young woman, that made this marriage I have beautiful–not perfect perhaps, but lovely—from the start.

I want you to hear this wisdom: sometimes a good marriage starts when you’re 13 and that first boy asks you to the school dance. Remember this:

1. Do what God has called you to do—Don’t worry about boys, love, dating, or marriage. Focus on Jesus. Grow beautiful and strong in Him. Go to the college that’s right for you, not the one a boyfriend attends. Fulfill your calling and your potential. Don’t look for love; let God bring it to you.

2. Wait for God’s best—That first boy who asks you out isn’t necessarily “the one.” You are beautiful, smart, funny, strong, kind….Boys might swarm around you; don’t be swayed. I saved myself body, soul, and mind for the one man who was God’s best for me and your dad is totally worth it.

3. Make sure He’s in love with Jesus—Attending church twice a year, saying you love God but couldn’t be bothered with discipleship or Bible-reading or Christian service? That’s not loving Jesus. That’s calling yourself a Christian without the fruit. If you want to respect your husband as a spiritual leader, he needs to show that leadership before the wedding day.

4. Fall in love with your eyes wide open—You won’t find a perfect man. No person is perfect and no marriage is perfect either. Know what his flaws are in advance and be committed with a plan to love him, not change him.

5. Ask hard questions–Some couples marry without talking about kids, career plans, church, or money. Ask the hard questions before marriage. Don’t just shrug your shoulders and figure love will carry all. Love dies on battlefields like those all the time.

6. Give and Receive Respect–If he annoys you with stupid jokes, doesn’t understand or care about what you have to say, can’t hold a job, loses his temper easily, or embarrasses you in public now, he sure will later. Marry someone it’s easy to respect and be proud of. And, make sure he treats you as the precious gift from God that you are, valuing your opinion, not dominating you or devaluing you. Paul wrote to “Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10 ESV). Make that your goal because kindness always matters. It matters when you’re dating, when you’re first married, and when you’ve been married 20 years. Give respect and kindness; expect respect and kindness

7. Build the friendship–That friendship you develop before marriage is what you should cultivate every year after “I do.” So when the kids are grown and gone, the freshness of young love fades, and your body ages and changes, you’ll still be best friends.

Marriage can be beautiful and holy, a sacred place where God transforms us to be more like Christ, where joy grows, selfless and sacrificial love blooms, and you help each other produce fruit as individuals and as one together.

This was my prayer for my own marriage on my wedding day. This is what I pray for you even now:

For because of our faith, he has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to actually becoming all that God has had in mind for us to be (Romans 5:2 The Living Bible).

Love,
Mom.

Heather King is a wife, mom, Bible Study teacher, writer and worship leader. Most importantly, she is a Christ follower with a desire to help others apply the Bible to everyday life with all its mess, noise, and busyness. Her book, Ask Me Anything, Lord: Opening Our Hearts to God’s Questions, is available now! To read more devotionals by Heather King, click here.

Dear Daughter: Welcome to Double Digits…..

December 19, 2014December 19, 20141 Comment

Dear Victoria,

I remember the day I turned 10 years old.

I stood in the kitchen next to the fridge, still in my pajamas. My eyes blinked away sleep and my hair was a mess, and I ran my hands down the sides of my PJ’s to smooth them out.

My dad said, “Did you expect to look or feel different today?”

That shook me awake.

I hadn’t really been thinking anything. I just stood in the moment without being all philosophical or deep.

But I guess it looked like I was examining my progress in life. Had I grown overnight? Changed? Matured?

Was I a different person today than I was when I stood in that same kitchen yesterday and chose between cereal, oatmeal and a Pop Tart?

Of course, growth doesn’t happen all in one night. One magic 8-hour stretch of sleep doesn’t change who you are or what you look like.

But this year, all year, our family and friends have looked at you and then shaken their heads in wonder at me.

“I can’t believe it….”

That’s what they say.

They don’t even have to finish the thought. I know what they mean. We think of you as a baby still and yet there you are standing so tall and thin, that long blond hair waving down your shoulders.

You may be growing up, but there are still little wisdom-pearls this momma wants to give you. Now that you are days away from your tenth birthday, here’s what I want you to know:

You are loved

We sat around that table last month and you girls asked me the same questions we’ve been over time and time again. “What was I like as a baby, mom?” “What did I do?” “What was my first word?”

I told the stories again–How you were so strong, Victoria. Even in the hospital you held your head up that first day as if you were 4 months old, and doctors and nurses marveled at you.

Then I said how you cried and cried and you would scream it all out and fight for what you wanted.

But it turns out that story I was telling hurt your heart. You felt like I was picking at you, like your sisters were better babies or somehow this was a competition of performance and you hadn’t measured up.

Beloved girl, never forget that you are loved.

This world will scream lies at you. Sometimes your own feelings will bully you.

Hold on to the truth: No matter what, you are totally and thoroughly loved by us and by God. We adore you and we always have.

Even before I ever laid eyes on your beautiful face and you gripped my fingers with super-baby-strength, I loved you completely.

Own your own faith

That day you cried about my ‘baby stories,’ I told you to hold on to your testimony. We saw that change in you. It was this dramatic turning.

Yes, you worked us hard as new parents. But that moment you prayed for Jesus to be your Savior, your heart turned over. All your strength, determination and focus transformed with salvation into solid rock faith.

You stand up for what is right. You set your heart and mind on things above.

You pour your heart and mind and soul into everything you do, working harder, harder, harder than those around you. You set goals and you push at them without giving up.

Keep at it, my girl. In life, yes. In faith all the more.

You’re going to step out into the big wide world and find that people don’t believe what you believe. People don’t obey God. The world is broken and wrecked with sin.

You may be mocked, ostracized, tempted.

Do not forget your testimony. You are a Jesus-girl and the older you get, the more that faith needs to be yours apart from your dad and me.

Don’t just listen to me read the Bible—-read it. Don’t let me pray for you—-pray. Don’t watch me worship—–worship. In the end, it’s got to be between you and God.

Now is the time to pick up your faith in your own two hands.

We are in this together

Maybe sometimes during the next few years, it’ll feel like no one understands.

Maybe you’ll feel alone. Maybe it’ll seem like the world is against you. Maybe your dad and I will appear harsh or stern or out of touch. Maybe you’ll look at us and wish you were allowed to roll your eyes because these parents of yours are loony or even mean. Maybe you’ll feel embarrassed to ask or start those tough conversations with me.

But, baby girl, we are in this together.

You and me, girlfriend.

I am never your enemy. I am not against you. I am for you. Always.

And this space between us is a safe and honest space. You can tell me. You can ask me. You can sob it all out even when it’s ugly crying.

No one is gonna celebrate you, pray for you, love on you, or have your back more than your dad and I do.

Sweet girl, there is so much more I want to say, but really—doesn’t it all come down to that? Always remember, you are loved.

Love,

~Mom~

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16 NLT)

^{The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17)}

My kid found the kryptonite to bring down Supermom

December 3, 2014December 3, 2014Leave a comment

My daughter climbed into the minivan after school and nailed me with Mom-guilt before she even sat down and buckled on her seatbelt.

“Mom, why didn’t you come to National School Lunch Day and have lunch with me like all the other moms?”

photo by Nataliia Kelsheva , 123rf.com

I sucked in my breath and battled the personal demons of fear of failure, perfectionism, and people-pleasing like I was fighting a sneak attack from a three-headed monster.

This beloved child of mine was essentially throwing kryptonite at me and bringing Supermom to her knees.

We had talked about this. I had sat these girls down at the kitchen table and explained to them that I didn’t like to come on the ever-popular National School Lunch Day when the cafeteria was crowded and loud and it wasn’t a good day for me to come this year, anyway.

I have lunch in the school cafeteria with each of my girls every single month on our own ‘special’ day of my own choosing when it fits with our schedule and when we can actually sit and enjoy each other’s company without shouting over the ambient noise of 150 kids plus their parents and grandparents.

In fact, it was on my calendar to have lunch with this very same child just two days later.

But she nailed me with disappointment anyway.

It nagged at me persistently all afternoon even though I knew what she wanted of me wasn’t fair or right or true.

Still I felt the weight of condemnation:

A good mom would have gone to National School Lunch day.

You disappointed her.

You just need to try harder, do more, be more.

Few things cripple the heart of a perfectionist like fear of disappointing your child.

(Or fear of messing them up so much they’ll spend their entire adult life in counseling. Or never move out of your house and lead a healthy adult life. There’s that.)

We’re desperately terrified of failing at this. We know God gave us these precious gifts and from the moment that pregnancy test line appears, we feel the full weight of this responsibility.

Then you hold that newborn life in your hands in a hospital room in the dark of that first night without sleep and you know how desperate you are for God’s help to do this right.

But I read this in Courtney DeFeo’s book, In This House We Will Giggle:

“I don’t want to be Jesus for my kids; I just want to draw them close to Him. I don’t need to be perfect, because He already is… I have to remind myself daily that God offers grace. Yes, we are going to mess up. We will not, cannot, get all this parenting stuff just right. But God fills in the gaps and gives us tremendous grace and mercy along the road.”

That grace fills up my mercy-starved lungs so I can breathe again.

Sometimes I need to let the guilt go.

I need to let the perfection go.

I don’t need to be Jesus for my kids.

In fact, if I try to be Jesus to them, I’ll block their view and they won’t see Christ at all ’cause my bumbling shadow is in the way.

I’m spending this month pursuing the presence of Christ by learning to Abandon Perfection.

Because as long as I keep up the pretense of being perfect, I can’t collapse into the grace-filled arms of my Savior—not as a woman, not as a mom.

And grace is what I need.

I read in Scripture about the woman who splashed that expensive perfume all over the dusty feet of Christ. Those self-righteous men at the table criticized her offering and mocked her worship.

But Jesus said,

Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me…She has done what she could (Mark 14:6, 8).

All those Pinterest boards tell me hundreds of ways I need to be a better mom.

The blog posts overwhelm me with plans and programs and ideas.

The parenting magazines show me everything I’m doing wrong.

The Facebook pictures show everyone else doing it right.

But that’s not life. That’s not real life anyway. That’s the suffocation of perfectionism, impossible standards, guilt and failure.

Ann Voskamp says:

Perfectionism isn’t a fruit of the spirit…Joy is.

Oh, if there’s anything I want it’s the Joy of Jesus in this home.

And here’s the joy I find: I don’t need to be perfect.

I just need to give what I have and do what I can and bring these kids to Jesus.

I’m not enough. I’m not perfect.

But He is.

To read more about this 12-month journey of pursuing the presence of Christ, you can follow the links below! Won’t you join me this month as I ‘Abandon Perfection?

Dear Baby Boy, You’ve Been Teaching Me A Bunch This First Year

October 1, 20141 Comment

Dear Andrew,

Tomorrow is your first birthday. This means nothing to you, of course, but your sisters have waited impatiently for the ‘real’ birthday with actual cake and actual presents.

We’ve spent a year celebrating milestones and ‘firsts’ and you’ve been growing all along, learning little by little: Smiles, chattering, crawling, clapping. We cheered you on all the way.

And here you are, a year old. One year since I first saw your little face in the freezing cold operating room where you were born.

It seems like yesterday.

One day you’re a tiny bundle of baby perfection snuggled into my chest, swaddled tight in blue blankets, wearing your baby hat….

And the next day you’re all energy, zooming across our living room to chase after three sisters and two cats, almost never sitting still long enough to snuggle, ripping off hats as soon as I put them on your head and wriggling out of blankets.

Oh, we love you so.

You’ve taught this momma (who thought she’d only ever have daughters) that God loves to surprise us and that He equips us for our calling.

You’ve taught me to change diapers quickly so I don’t get peed on.

You’ve taught me that sometimes one bath a day isn’t enough…three might be necessary.

And you taught me that it’s okay to say what I need sometimes. I feel so often that I need to do everything, be everywhere….and yet, you remind me to say, “I’m at my limit. I need a rest. I need some food. I need a break.”

And just as you’re teaching me, I hope I’m teaching you even now what you really need to know in life:

Oh sure, what you probably need right now are lessons like don’t play in the litter box, don’t take your diaper off while you’re napping, and food is better when you eat it than when you wear it.

But here’s some deeper truth to tuck away for the future. You’ll need it. I promise.

Your sense of humor and your joy are a strength and a treasure. Never lose that. You have this deep, deep belly laugh that shows up in your eye s, and the tiniest things will send you into fits of giggles. You squeal in delight over toys. You explore the window, the cat, the book, the table, the tiniest specks on the floor, and the piano. This big world is a wonder. Always look wide-eyed. Don’t miss out on the joy. And laugh. Laugh often and laugh hard.

It’s okay to know what you want, but make sure you want the right things. I’ve had go-with-the-flow babies and I’ve had know-their-own-mind babies. You are the latter. It’s a strength that I love about you. Stand up for the right things even if no one else does. Be honest. Fight for justice. But if you’re going to pursue what you really want in life, make sure what you want is good and true. Be passionate about God’s Word, about truth, about the Gospel, about compassion. And know that the best things in this life aren’t just worth waiting for; they are worth working hard for. Make the sacrifices. Choose discipline. Commit your way to the Lord and walk in obedience…

Leadership begins with serving others. Our family attracts comments everywhere we go—-how you’ll be so spoiled by three older sisters. How you “don’t stand a chance.” How you’ll be “mothered to death.” My son, you are the baby in this family with three big sisters to dote on you and brag about you and treat you like the center of the universe. Know how much you are loved, but don’t be fooled into thinking this world should serve you. Instead, serve others. Be humble. Put other people first. Christ didn’t lead by demanding attention or through selfishness and abuse. He led with humble self-sacrifice and compassion. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3 ESV).

Know beauty when you see it. I’ve spent years teaching three daughters that “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting” (Proverbs 31:30). I tell them that true beauty is Jesus in you; it’s strength, gentleness, wisdom, discipline, honesty, kindness, and Christ-like love. They need to know how to be truly beautiful. You need to know how to see true beauty. By the time you start building up real memories of me, I’ll be about 40 years old and have birthed four children. But, dear son, may you still see beauty in me: the real kind, the kind that grows with time instead of fading. The kind that sacrifices self to pour out for others. The kind of beauty that isn’t defined by a number on a scale or the color or style of my hair, but that comes from wisdom and grace. You’ll find tons of girls who know how to do their hair, put on their makeup and choose the perfect outfit. Don’t be deceived. Don’t look for someone whose beauty peaks at 22 years old, before kids, and depends on products, expensive clothes, and hours in front of the mirror. Look for someone who will be beautiful at 40…at 60….at 80. True beauty isn’t how you look at any given moment; it’s always about who you are becoming.

And know this….

I am so deeply thankful that God chose me to be your mama. What an honor and a joy.

Love,

~Mom~

Dear daughter, what happened to the 90 pencils I already sent to school?

September 29, 2014Leave a comment

Seventy-two pencils.

That is how many pencils we carried into her classroom the last week of August.

We placed 72 yellow, No. 2 pencils into the communal pencil bin in the classroom where all the pencils go to be happily shared among the entire fourth grade classroom.

That’s how it really works. You don’t buy the supplies for your own child. You buy them for the classroom.

In years past, I didn’t know that top-secret information and I had foolishly assumed that when my kid needed a pencil, she would use one of the pencils I had sent in for her.

But now, armed with the full insider’s knowledge of a truly experienced Super Mom, I had stocked her own desk this year with about 15 or so pencils as a secret stash. These were the rainbow-colored, glittery, fancy pencils I had purchased special, just for her, unique, not-for-sharing.

Not only that, we had sat on the couch the day before and hand-sharpened that secret stash of super-cool pencils so that she wouldn’t be caught with an unsharpened pencil, thereby ensuring her success in fourth grade.

This is in addition to the 72 pencils we bought for the actual, official school supply list.

So, what is that? Something around 90 pencils placed in her classroom the week before school started.

Maybe that’s why I went a little Mom-crazy when she announced she didn’t have any pencils she could use just three weeks after school started.

This precious child climbed into the very back of the minivan after school and hollered up to me in the front, over top of the ambient noise of three other children, “Mom, do you think you can get me some mechanical pencils?”

Wait, what?

Didn’t I just buy you 72 pencils? And then another 15 or so on top of that? Hadn’t we both pre-sharpened pencils to put into your desk so you would have a supply of ready-to-use writing utensils? Hadn’t I ended up with blisters on my hands from said pencil sharpening?

What happened to the 90 pencils we’ve already sent?

Honey?

Dear?

Sweetie?

I ask her to explain the deep mysteries of this Bermuda Triangle of school supplies. How can 90 pencils go into the classroom and disappear within about 20 days of school?

Now, I am fully aware as I totally overreact in the driver’s seat of my minivan that I could purchase the requested mechanical pencils for her for about $2 at the Wal-Mart without any commentary about the injustice of the entire pencil supply situation.

However, I feel a Mom-Speech coming on and I feel powerless to stop it.

I mean, it’s the principle of the thing.

Can I get an Amen?

As I pepper her with questions, zinging them at her one after another, I think that I should have been a lawyer. My logic is impeccable. My persistence unmatched. My sense of justice praiseworthy.

I am on the roll of all rolls.

But I stop.

I suck in my breath.

I never meant this to turn into a cross-examination with my poor child on a witness stand defending her history of pencil use.

And yet it has.

So, the prosecution rests.

Later, she tells me that she has some of those pencils still in her desk, but they just don’t sharpen well. The lead continually breaks on her, even while she still has the sharpener in her hand. It takes so much time, she tells me. She thought some mechanical pencils will be easier.

I admit. They just don’t make pencils like they used to. These cheap pencils might look so glitzy on the outside, but that lead is always breaking and they never seem to sharpen just right.

I go to the store. I pay $2. I buy mechanical pencils with extra thick lead so they don’t break all the time.

I bring them home. She finds them on the counter after school and thanks me with a hug.

Mom crisis ended.

But I think…

How many of my mistakes as a mom and as a woman would be avoided if I responded instead of reacted?

Even if she was tossing those pencils into the trashcan and wasting them out of foolishness and irresponsibility, surely my best response would be quiet grace and gentle correction, not a tidal wave of Mom-justice.

He who has knowledge spares his words,
And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit (Proverbs 17:27 NKJV).

Less words….more understanding….more calm, that’s wisdom and wisdom is what I want.

Lord, help us to respond and not react. Help us to take time for wisdom-seeking and prayer instead of saying whatever comes into our head right away. Forgive us for the times we’ve hurt others with our words. May “the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight” (Psalm 19:14 NKJV). Amen.

7 Prayers for Your Home and Family

September 17, 2014September 18, 20146 Comments

It’s usually when I watch my children sleep.

Or when my tired infant son finally relaxes his on-the-go muscles and snuggles into me as I sway next to his crib.

That’s when I pray it. Like a whispered prayer, one you can’t find all the words for, not when your heart is so full (or you are so sleep-deprived). But it’s passionate and desperate:

Help me do this, Lord! Help me be the wife and mom You want me to be and that they need me to be.

I need some ways to cover our home and family in prayer so that I can commit this all to Him and seek His help every day.

So, here they are: Seven Prayers for Your Home and Family. These are the verses I pray and the requests I make. What about you? Please comment with your own verses and prayers.

Salvation
- Prayer:
  
  God, help us to keep this as our focus and never lose sight of the most important gift and responsibility you have given us—the salvation of our family. It’s easy to get caught up in worldly standards of success and measures of our worth, especially as parents. But honor rolls, scholarships, awards, and accolades don’t mean anything compared to salvation in Jesus Christ. Our greatest joy would be to see our children ‘walking in the truth.’ We pray that every member of our family will choose a personal, real, abiding, and powerful relationship with our Savior and that we will ask Him to reign over our lives both as a family and as individuals.
- Scripture verses:

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15 NIV).

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved (Romans 10:9-10 NIV)

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth (3 John 1:4)

Peace
- Prayer:
  
  Lord, may our homes be havens of peace. The world around us can be stressful and high-pressured. We may be surrounded by conflict, battles, and oppression outside this home, but we pray that inside these walls, You will bring peace. Help us to rest in You. Help us communicate with grace, offer love and support, and speak in love. Even in the stressful rush of the mornings as we head out the door to school, work, church and other activities, may we breathe deeply and choose peace, gentleness, and kindness with one another.
- Scripture Verses:
  
  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John 14:27 NIV).
  
  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV).
A Godly Legacy
- Prayer:
  
  No matter what our faith background up to this point, we pray for a heritage of faith, godliness, righteousness, salvation, and a passion for Your Word and for the Gospel. Help us to take the time to teach our children truth. We don’t want to ever be so busy that we neglect to teach our children about You. Give us the right words to say and guide our discussions with our children. May our children choose to marry strong Christians and raise their own children in Your Word. Where we have gone astray, we pray for grace and new opportunities. For our adult children and our grandchildren, we ask that You will turn their hearts and minds to You even now.
- Scripture Verses:

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6 ESV).

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 ESV)

Unity and Love
- Prayer:
  
  Father, help us to remember that we are not just individuals out to achieve our own agendas. You have joined us together as a family; unite our hearts in love. Remind us that we are stronger together. Show us how to love each other sacrificially, graciously, and generously every day. May we serve each other, performing even the smallest acts of kindness for one another without complaint or score-keeping. We ask that our love for one another reflect Christ’s sacrificial and unconditional love so that others will look at our home and our family, and see You. Let our love for one another draw others to know your love for them.
- Scripture Verses
  
  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God (1 John 4:7 ESV).By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35 ESV).
  
  Two are better than one,
      because they have a good return for their labor:
  ¹⁰If either of them falls down,
      one can help the other up.
  But pity anyone who falls
      and has no one to help them up.
  ¹¹Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
      But how can one keep warm alone?
  ¹²Though one may be overpowered,
      two can defend themselves.
  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV).

Stewardship
- Prayer:
  
  Father, You know our needs. We lay them at Your feet and ask for Your provision. We trust in You as our Provider. Lord, we ask for blessing, not so that we can stash it away, or indulge our own material desires. We don’t need the biggest house or the flashiest car or the most expensive clothes. We ask for blessing so that we may bless others. May we be good stewards of what You have given so that we can give it away to support missions and to care for others in need. Please open our eyes to the needs of others around us and help us to give quickly and give generously.
- Scripture Verses:
  
  And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19 ESV)
  
  The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor (Proverbs 22:9 NIV).

Purity
- Prayer:
  
  God, it is so easy to fall into the pitfalls and traps of sin and temptation. We are surrounded by what is wrong. Help us choose what is right. Give us strength to be vigilant about protecting the influences inside of our home, and when possible, outside of it, as well. Holy Spirit, prompt our hearts when we need to walk away, when we need to stop listening, stop reading, stop watching…..and help us fill our minds and hearts only with what is good, true, righteous, and pure. May we be set apart for You, living in this world, but not of it.
- Scripture Verses:

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8 ESV).

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers (Psalm 1:1-6 ESV).

Laughter and Joy
- Prayer:
  
  Lord, we know that there will be hard times, but we pray that You will continually stir our hearts to joy. Let our home be a place of laughter. Open our eyes to see reasons to rejoice, stories to share, jokes to tell, and smiles to give one another. Make our home a place of rejoicing.
- Scripture Verses:
  
  A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22 ESV)
  
  Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them” (Psalm 125:2 ESV).
  
  Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart! (Psalm 32:11 ESV)
  
  If you would like a printout of these prayers to place in Your Bible or journal or maybe on your fridge or bathroom mirror, you can click here for the free printable!
  
  You can also check out 12 Verses to Pray for Your Husband and 14 Days of Prayer for Your Marriage With 1 Corinthians 13 for other ways to be in prayer for your family.

Sometimes Love is a Missed School Bus and a Cup of Tea

September 12, 2014Leave a comment

I woke her up at 8:05 a.m.

She had a rough night. We all did. With four kids sick with the Great Cold of 2014, I had spent most of my night slathering on Vicks, refilling water bottles, rocking a baby and fetching more tissues.

This daughter shone her flashlight on my face at 5 a.m. to announce tearfully that she hadn’t slept all night and now she’ll never get any sleep and she’ll fall asleep at school and she’ll never make it to ballet…..and the world was just absolutely going to blow up because of all of it.

I’m not the most compassionate nurse of a mom anyway. Seeing as how that was about the bazillionth time a child had woken me up in that one night, I had to muster some grace for the night shift.

Walk the child back to bed.

Vicks—rub, rub, rub.

Hand tissues.

Hand plastic bag for placing used tissues inside instead of dumping them on the floor next to your bed (please and thank you).

Refill water bottle.

Speak truth. The world is not about to end. Stop crying. If you cry, you will feel worse. You have not been awake all night; I have and I can assure you that you were asleep for some of it.

Place hand on child’s head, smooth back hair, reassure self that she does not have a fever, and pray for her to sleep. Dear God, please let her sleep.

Make it back to the bed in time to fall asleep before the next child wakes up an hour later.

So, this morning, I wake her up late. “Twenty minutes until you need to be outside waiting for the bus.”

Breakfast, here.

Clothes, here.

Tissues, here.

Lunchbox in backpack. Book in backpack. Zip it up!

Brush your teeth and I’ll brush your hair while you do that. Saves time.

But I look at this child in the mirror. She’s still crying and she’s a mess of red-faced blotchy miserableness.

She’s sick and she’s tired.

I could push her out that door to meet the bus.

I’m a workaholic. I’ve said it to her already that morning, “No fever. No throwing up. This is just a cold. You’ll feel better in an hour.”

But something in me stops the stampede of my pushy, workaholic, drill sergeant self all over the tender heart of this beloved girl.

I hear it, this strong voice telling me to just stop right there and: Love her.

I had just read it the day before in Pathway to Purpose:

“It is a cure for an affliction may of us have, which my friend calls destination disease. That great phrase describes being more concerned about getting to our destination than in finding delight on the journey. Learning to love causes us to linger in the company of others and find enjoyment and companionship along the way” (Katie Brazelton).

Learning to love isn’t just a begrudging necessity of this Christian life, a small blip in the journey on to bigger and better purposes and plans.

Loving others is Christ’s command.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (John 15:12 NIV).

Loving others is what we’re here to do. It is the great purpose. It is the great design.

Am I too busy pushing my agenda in this moment to show the truth of God’s love and grace?

Katie Brazelton writes this in Pathway to Purpose also:

“Love, then, is spending ourselves, investing ourselves, in the daily and eternal well-being of others” (pp. 64-65).

I could push that daughter out the door to the school bus and she’d make it okay.

But that wouldn’t be loving her. Not this time and not in this way. This child is not a hookie-playing, school-skipping, excuse-making kid. She’s a good kid and a diligent student who is sick, got too little sleep and feels rotten.

I love her and I want her to know that I love her.

That’s the point.

So, I send two kids out to the bus instead of three.

I write a note to her teacher. I make her a cup of tea.

An hour later, she is feeling a bit better. She still has a cold, but she says she’s ready to go to school.

I drive her in, and she says it to me twice on the way, “Thanks for taking care of me, mom.”

This month, I’m Learning When To Say “Yes” as part of my year-long pursuit of the presence of Christ.

And I pause here today because saying “yes” isn’t one choice or one destination. It’s a lifestyle of listening in the moment.

I say “Yes” to the Spirit’s voice.

“Yes” to His direction even in the smallest of things, the every day, and the ordinary.

And today I say “yes” to loving others, starting with this precious girl.

How can you love others today?

To read more about this 12-month journey of pursuing the presence of Christ, you can follow the links below! Won’t you join me this month as I ‘Learn When to Say, ‘Yes?’

What I Hate About Being a Mom

September 3, 20142 Comments

“With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall”
(Psalm 18:29).

We went out early on the first day of school, so full of excitement about the big day that we couldn’t stand in the house a moment longer. My girls were ready almost an hour early and had been wearing their backpacks for a full five minutes before I finally opened the door and we stepped outside.

And there we stood, waiting, waiting, and waiting for the big yellow bus. (And taking pictures, of course).

When it came, the girls climbed up the steps, the doors shut, and the bus pulled away.

And I wasn’t on it with them.

Because silly mom, school buses are for kids.

I love being a mom, but there are some things I hate.

I hate ending the summer.

I hate that there are parts of their day, more and more all the time, that I can’t witness first hand and I only get to hear about in bits and pieces when they come home.

I hate that there are hurts I can’t prevent and heartache I can’t stop.

I hate that I can’t keep them safe from everything wrong and mean and hard in this world.

I hate that they grow up so stinking fast. You hold them in the hospital and the next thing you know they are stepping on a yellow bus and managing the big wide world of cafeterias, hallways, classrooms, playgrounds, and school bathrooms without you.

But there’s beauty here, too.

Because there they were at the end of that first day of school, all safe and cheerful.

They spilled out everything in their backpacks and handed me my “assignments.” They showed me where to sign in their agendas and held up the forms I needed to fill in.

They announced the rules in every class and showed off an organized Trapper Keeper, a first homework paper, and the very first classroom assignment my baby girl made in Kindergarten.

I guess they survived without me.

I tear up a little at the thought, tears I managed to hold off that whole first day while they were gone.

I hate that I missed seeing all that myself. I hate that all this growing and independence just takes them one step closer to adulthood.

But I’m proud, too.

I learn from God, the Perfect Father, who navigates this fine parental balance between deliverance and training.

Sometimes I can carry my kids.

Sometimes they need to walk.

But I’m here for them no matter what.

In Psalm 18, the writer declares that God:

“reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
(Psalm 18:16-17).

God yanked the Psalmist out of the drowning waves and saved him from overwhelming foes.

Not only that, the psalmist says, “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way” (Psalm 18:36).

Sometimes God knows we need rescue.

Sometimes, He knows our feet are tender and uncertain. So, He gives us a broad path and a relaxing walk, rather than a treacherous mountain climb up a narrow rock-filled pathway.

But life isn’t always easy and our journey isn’t always a Sunday stroll on a bright and cheerful day.

God doesn’t always carry us out of tough times; sometimes He takes us through.

In that same Psalm, it says: “With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall” (Psalm 18:29).

And why can we perform these feats of wonder with God’s help? Because He has trained us in times of peace so that we can battle through times of war.

The Psalmist says:

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze (Psalm 18:32-34).

God has exercised our limbs of faith and traveled with us in paths both broad and narrow. Our feet have grown accustomed to the journey, becoming sure-footed like a deer’s and able to scale great mountainous heights.

And while God is always with us, never abandoning us for a moment, sometimes He chooses to walk alongside us through difficult circumstances rather than lifting us up and carrying us through them.

Maybe you are being carried right now.

Or maybe He’s asked you to walk.

But know this: He’s still with you no matter what.

Originally posted September 9, 2011

5 Prayers Before the School Year Begins

August 6, 2014August 7, 20142 Comments

I stood in the line of nervous parents and excited-though-apprehensive elementary school children at Open House last year. I was praying….a lot.

Sometimes I mess up and treat God like little more than a pagan idol–acting as if maybe if I cross my fingers, rub a rabbit’s foot, do a fancy jig and offer to sacrifice something, He’ll answer my prayers just because He sees how desperate I am. prayersbeforeschool “Oh Jesus, please give me daughter a great teacher this year…..please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeee.”

Yet, while He loves the sincerity and passion I have for praying for my kids, He knows what they need without me trying to manipulate Him into giving me my way.

And while standing in line at Open House isn’t a bad place to pray, it’s not the only time to pray.

After all, when it was our turn, we stepped up to the table and the principal handed us an index card for each daughter with their room number and teacher’s name for the school year. The decision, however, had been made weeks before.

So, maybe that’s when to start praying?

Or maybe the answer really is that we never stop praying for our kids.

Not ever.

We move from need to need, praying today for today, but also for tomorrow and for five years from now and on into their adult years, their marriages, their careers and ministries.

So, here are five prayers I start praying before the school year begins, long before I step into that line on Open House night and certainly before I kiss my kids on the head, pray for them quickly and watch them step onto the bus on the first day of school.

For the right teacher and classroom: God, you know my children best. Yes, you know them even better than I do. You know exactly what teacher is going to work with their strengths and weaknesses and what teacher will help them reach their potential and be excited about school and learning. Please give the teachers and administrators wisdom as they place our children into classrooms and help my children be matched with the perfect teacher and the classmates who will be good friends rather than bullies, mean girls, or distractions this year. Please bless the teacher’s summer, helping it be restful and fun so he or she can start the school year with enthusiasm, excitement and energy!
For safety: Lord, it’s hard for me to let my children go where I can’t see them or be with them all the time. I want so much to be there to protect them and guide them, intervene for them, and love them through the hard things. But, I know You are with them even when I can’t be. You can care for them better than I can. Please watch over them with Your providential care and protection.
For their choices: Father, my children will be making tons of decisions every day. Please help them to know they can always turn to You for help when they need it and please help them draw on the wisdom from Your Word that we’ve tried to teach them. Let Your Holy Spirit direct their steps and guide their hearts to do what is right. Help my children be a witness for You all day, on the playground, in the lunch room, in the classroom and more.
For us as parents: God, we need just as much help as our kids do for this school year. Help us make wise decisions and know how to mold their character, give advice, when to get involved and when to let our children handle things on their own, and how to train up this child in the way that he or she should go.
For their friendships: Lord, one of the biggest decisions my kids will make this year is about who to befriend. Please give them discernment and wisdom to know how to choose good friends, those who will lead them to you, those who will encourage success and help them do the right thing. When there are children being picked on or ignored, I ask that you will show my child how to give them compassion and to reach out to them in love. Give my children the strength to lead others to You rather than be led by others away from You. Please protect them from bullies, mean girls, and bad influences and help them know how to stand up for what is right when necessary.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Originally posted August 2, 2013

Heather C. King – Room to Breathe

"He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul" Psalm 62:1-2 (MSG).

Category: Parenting

Praying What You Really Don’t Want to Pray

Want to learn how to pray with prayer cards? I first read about them in Paul Miller’s book, A Praying Life.

Dear Daughter, Remember That Nightmare About Divorce?

Dear Daughter: Welcome to Double Digits…..

My kid found the kryptonite to bring down Supermom

Dear Baby Boy, You’ve Been Teaching Me A Bunch This First Year

Dear daughter, what happened to the 90 pencils I already sent to school?

7 Prayers for Your Home and Family

Salvation

Peace

A Godly Legacy

Unity and Love

Stewardship

Purity

Laughter and Joy

If you would like a printout of these prayers to place in Your Bible or journal or maybe on your fridge or bathroom mirror, you can click here for the free printable!

You can also check out 12 Verses to Pray for Your Husband and 14 Days of Prayer for Your Marriage With 1 Corinthians 13 for other ways to be in prayer for your family.

Sometimes Love is a Missed School Bus and a Cup of Tea

What I Hate About Being a Mom

5 Prayers Before the School Year Begins

Want to learn how to pray with prayer cards? I first read about them in Paul Miller’s book, A Praying Life.

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

Salvation

Peace

A Godly Legacy

Unity and Love

Stewardship

Purity

Laughter and Joy

If you would like a printout of these prayers to place in Your Bible or journal or maybe on your fridge or bathroom mirror, you can click here for the free printable!

You can also check out 12 Verses to Pray for Your Husband and 14 Days of Prayer for Your Marriage With 1 Corinthians 13 for other ways to be in prayer for your family.

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today:

My devotional for today: